Bottles on the Rusty Deck (Jacques bar)

[Intro: Rusty Deck bar ambience, bottles clinking, low ship hum, stage microphone being switched on] [Jacques: Spoken in a thick, gravelly Australian-French accent] Right then, you beautiful disasters! Welcome back to the Rusty Deck! The stage is ready. The bar is open. And I've got exactly enough bottles to make tonight interesting. Stone the crows! [Slide guitar kicks in] [Verse 1] I've got bottles on the counter I've got bottles on the shelf I've got bottles in the storage room That seem to move themselves I've got one marked twenty-four One marked twenty-five And one I swear I smashed last week That's sitting there alive I don't ask too many questions That's how you stay sane I write down what the bottles do And let reality explain Stone the crows, it's a funny little game Break a bottle, watch it vanish Then it comes back again [Pre-Chorus] So pour yourself a drink And watch the stage tonight If something disappears Don't worry, it'll be alright I've got my ledger I've got my pen And if that bottle breaks again I'll write it down again [Chorus] Bottles on the Rusty Deck Waiting on the shelf Break one, lose one Then it comes back by itself Bottles on the Rusty Deck Don't ask me why they do Stone the crows, I've got a ledger And I've got a bottle for you [Verse 2] Now everybody settle down We're starting up the show The lights are coming up And the engines humming low No need to touch the bottles I've got everything prepared I've counted every bloody one And yes, that one is there [Jacques: Spoken] That one's important. Don't touch that one. [Beat] Actually... [Glass shatters] [Jacques:] Stone the crows! There goes number four. [Music pauses] [Jacques, calmly:] Right. Where's me pen? [Slide guitar riff] [Verse 3] The glass is gone The liquor's gone The floor is clean again I look inside the storage room And there it is again Same bottle Same label Same bloody little crack But according to the ledger That was iteration five back Now somebody tell me How the hell that can be Because I know I broke the bottle And I know it wasn't me [Pre-Chorus] So pour another round And don't you make a fuss The ship has got its secrets And the bottles have got theirs I've been watching every cycle I've been writing every change If reality wants to argue It can bloody well explain [Chorus] Bottles on the Rusty Deck Waiting on the shelf Break one, lose one Then it comes back by itself Bottles on the Rusty Deck Stone the crows, look at that! I just broke another bottle And it's already coming back [Guitar and accordion break] [Jacques: Spoken] You see, that's the beauty of science. You break something. It disappears. Then reality gets embarrassed and puts it back. [Pause] Very French, really. [Verse 4] Now the stage lights are shining The crowd is settling in I've got another bottle And I've got another grin The Dramática keeps drifting Through the black outside But down here on Deck Nine We've got nowhere else to hide So bring me all your questions Bring me all your friends Bring me the bottle that you broke And I'll tell you where it ends It'll probably be in storage It'll probably be intact And if it isn't there tomorrow [Jacques:] I'll write that bloody fact! [Final Chorus] Bottles on the Rusty Deck Raise 'em to the sky If they disappear tonight Don't bother asking why Bottles on the Rusty Deck The show is starting now I've got a stage I've got a bar And I've got no bloody idea how! Stone the crows! Bottles on the Rusty Deck Round and round they go Break one here Find one there Where they come from I don't know! But I've got every iteration Written in my book So if you want to understand it [Jacques:] Come have a bloody look! [Outro: Stage applause, bottles clinking, accordion and slide guitar] [Jacques: Spoken] Right! That's enough science for tonight. Music! Drinks! And nobody touches the bottle marked six. I mean it. Stone the crows. [Sound of glass breaking] [Jacques:] ...You bloody touched it. [End]