[Intro – spoken, ridiculously cheerful] Well, good mornin’, everybody! Today we’re gonna learn about electricity! It’s fast! It’s powerful! It’s invisible! And it doesn’t give a DAMN about you! [Electrical crackle – BZZZZZT!] [Verse 1] Uncle Gary found a wire hangin’ from the wall, Said, “I bet that little sucker ain’t got juice at all!” He grabbed it with a grin and did a jitterbug for free, ZAP! Now he’s the reason for safety rule number three! [Chorus – big, joyful gang vocals] ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (YES, IT WILL!) It don’t need a reason, don’t need a thrill! It’ll light up your kitchen, it’ll power your drill, But grab the wrong wire and it’ll send you TO HELL! ZAP! ZAP! ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (SURE AS HELL!) You might see heaven, you might smell a smell! It’s a wonderful invention, and we’re glad it’s here, But it’ll cook your ass like a county BBQ! [Backing vocals – cheerful] ZAP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH! [Verse 2] Billy took a ladder to the power line, Said, “Don’t worry, boys, I’ve done this a hundred times!” There was a flash of blue and a thunderous CRACK, ZAAAAAP! And Billy came down without the ladder attached! We all stood around and John stared at the ground, Timmy said, “Well, that was a sound!” The foreman shook his head and made a note, “Next time, fellas, let’s have a safety vote!” [Backing singers – bright harmony] ♪ ZAP! ZAP! ZAPPITY ZAP! ♪ [Chorus] ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (YOU BET YOUR ASS!) It’ll knock you flat and it’ll do it fast! A million little electrons got a job to do, And not a single one gives a damn about you! ZAP! ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (OH, MY LORD!) Don’t go pokin’ metal into an electrical socket! It’s a modern-day miracle, a scientific thrill, And electricity will KILL YOU ANYWAY! [Electrical buzzing – BZZZT! POP!] [Verse 3] Now Jimmy was a fella who was smarter than most, He’d unplug the toaster before diggin’ out his toast. But one day he got cocky and forgot what he’d learned, ZAP! Now there’s a little black spot where his breakfast got burned! His wife said, “Jimmy, did you learn anything?” He said, “I learned why my left ear rings!” She said, “Well, honey, I hope you learned it good!” He said, “I think I can taste WOOD!” [Backing singers – sweetly] ♪ Zappity zap, poor Jimmy! ♪ [Bridge – spoken over cheerful piano] Now remember, boys and girls! Electricity has no feelings. It doesn’t know you’re a good person. It doesn’t care that you got a B+ on your science test. It doesn’t even care if it’s your BIRTHDAY! [Sudden electrical ZAP!] [Sudden musical stop] …And neither does the insurance company! [Full band kicks back in] [Final Chorus – faster, louder, absurdly triumphant] ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (CLAP YOUR HANDS!) It’s the deadliest dancer in the whole damn land! It’ll run your refrigerator, it’ll heat your grill, And given half a chance, IT’LL KILL KILL KILL ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ELECTRICITY WILL KILL YOU! (SING IT LOUD!) Tell your mama, tell the whole damn crowd! From the factory floor to the old sawmill, ELECTRICITY! WILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! [Backing singers – triumphant] ♪ ZAP! ZAP! ZAPPITY ZAP! ♪ [Outro – cheerful announcer voice] Well, that’s all for today’s safety lesson! Remember, folks… Electricity is your friend! [Pause] Until it isn’t! [Happy musical sting] BZZZZT! ZAP! [Backing singers, sweetly] ♪ Electricityyyyy… will kill yooooou! ♪ [Final loud electrical ZAAAAAP!] [Silence]
