[Duet, 2 male voices, John and Mike. John has a deep sonorous voice. Mike is a tenor, nasal voice, mockney accent (fake cockney accent)] [Verse 1: John, MALE, deep voice, sonorous] This isn’t fun for me Thomas the Tank Engine just stares at me That blank blue face, those haunted tracks I wanna leave, I’m not coming back This isn’t fun for me Standing under an umbrella at the beach The rain comes down I ask Grandpa, "Why are we here?" (Why are we here?) [Chorus: Mike, MALE, nasal, mockney, fake cockney accent] This isn’t fun for me Why are we here? Why are we here? (Why are we here?) I’m trying to breathe, but it's weird in the air I look around and it’s empty and bare This isn’t fun for me Why are we here? (Why are we here?) [Verse 2: John, MALE, deep voice, sonorous] Someone took my shrimp again Fork in the platter like it’s not a sin I didn’t say share, didn’t say free This isn’t fun for me (This isn't fun for me) And don’t look at my feet Seriously, stop—this isn’t a treat It’s not quirky, it’s not a game Why are we here? Who even came? [Chorus: Mike, MALE, nasal, mockney, fake cockney accent] This isn’t fun for me Why are we here? Why are we here? I didn’t sign up for whatever this is It's all just a strange existential quiz This isn’t fun for me Why are we here? (Why are we here?) [Bridge: Duet, John and Mike, two MALES] Why can’t we do what I like instead? Turn off the AC, then turn it on again Watch the fan spin like it's got a plan Unlock the lock, let it go—lock it back again Set off alarms just to feel alive Feel that little jolt, like "hey, I survived" Why can’t we live in _that_ kind of cheer? Why are we here? Why are we here? (Why are we here?) [Final Chorus: Mike, MALE, nasal, mockney, fake cockney accent] This isn’t fun for me Why are we here? Why are we here? You say it's a phase, or a vibe, or a test But I’d rather be watching the drain, I confess This isn’t fun for me Why… are… we… here? (Why are we here?) [Outro – spoken or sung soft] Thomas is watching My feet feel the fear The shrimp are all gone And I'm still stuck here...
