Dear Dad ✍️

[Intro] Dear Dad... Third letter. First two burned. This one bites. [Verse 1] Dear Dad, do you even remember my face? I grew tall in the cracks of an empty place Mom said, “He had reasons,” I swallowed that myth Till it clawed through my stomach and died in my fist Kept your old jacket in the back of my room Smoke in the seams, cold leather, cheap perfume Wore it when kids asked why you never came Said you worked far away just to bury your name Learned to shave from a cracked gas mirror Learned men vanish when the truth gets nearer Played your old records when the nights got bad Called every deep voice on the radio “Dad” Sick little trick, right? Ghost for a blueprint Bones from a boot print [Hook 1] He wrote through rain with the dash light jitter Boy grown sharp with a jawline bitter Letters on leather, pain in the speaker Dad never came, so the rage got meaner Tick tick, pulse in the tires like wire Bridge got slick and the night climbed higher No choir, no halo, no sweet little liar Just a kid with a match in a house full of fire [Verse 2] Dear Dad, second page, now my hand don’t shake Done dressing your silence like some honest mistake You knew where we lived, knew I had your eyes Knew every birthday had a chair-sized lie I waited by windows till the streetlights quit Told myself headlights meant you gave a spit Five words through my aunt, saint in paint “Tell him I’m proud.” Proud of what? Wait. Proud of a kid getting raised by stress? Proud of a man with a lock in his chest? You don’t get applause from a mile away You don’t get a crown if you ran from the play Don’t say “son” like it sits on your tongue You dropped that word when the boy was young [Hook 2] He drove through thunder with the past in the cabin One hand shaking while the blacktop grabbing Letters slide left, cassette light stabbing Old photo staring like, damn, what happened? Rain on glass and the tires talk slick Boy in the man with a fuse too quick Truth in his teeth and a chest full of bricks Daddy silence turned sick, sick, sick [Bridge] Third one. I’m in the car. Rain’s bad. Don’t worry, I’m not scared. That’s the problem. [Verse 3] Saw your new kid in a frame online Clean shirt, big grin, sunshine spine Took him fishing, got him home before dark I got cold food, locked doors, dog bite heart Ain’t mad you rebuilt, mad I was rubble Mad you made peace while I slept inside trouble Panic in my pattern, habit of attack Racket in my attic, father-shaped crack Bitter little trigger in the middle of my chest Clicking every minute that I try to forget Splinter in my temper, blister in my laugh River on the windshield trying to split me in half Runaway brain with the brakes ripped loose Kid in the engine screaming, “TELL THE TRUTH” YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO LEAVE WITHOUT SHOWING YOUR FACE YOU TAUGHT ME LOVE CAN DISAPPEAR WITH NO TRACE YOU LEFT ME A MAP TO A HOUSE WITH NO DOOR NOW I BREAK EVERY ROOM WHEN I CAN’T TAKE MORE I GOT YOUR CURSE DOING LOOPS IN MY SKIN I DON’T WANT THIS WAR THAT YOU LEFT ME IN [Verse 4] ANSWER ME NOW, NOT LATER, NOT THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE NOT WITH A CARD FROM A SHELF, NOT “GO FIX YOURSELF” WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED A HAND? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I BECAME THE MAN? I WAS TWELVE WITH A CHEST FULL OF STORMS TRYNA STAND UP STRAIGHT IN YOUR OLD UNIFORM Got a stutter in my thunder, cut in my grin Son-shaped wound that you tucked in the bin Minute till the road and the river collide Lifetime of why doing flips in my mind Wreck in my reflection, letter in my lap Laugh in my throat but it snaps like a trap I DON’T NEED MONEY, I DON’T NEED LIES I NEED ONE TRUE LOOK FROM YOUR COWARD EYES SAY YOU RAN, SAY YOU FELL, SAY YOU COULDN’T BE BRAVE ROAD KEEPS SLIPPING, LIGHTS LOOK THIN IF THIS TAPE SURVIVES AND THE MORNING GETS CLEAR TELL THAT BOY I WAS ALWAYS STILL HERE [Final Hook] Rain kept time while the tape kept hissing Boy screamed loud but the world kept missing Letters on seats, no saint, no witness Pain doing laps in a mind gone vicious No rescue, no soft little ending One bad road and a childhood bending Bridge lights shake and the storm keeps descending [Final Verse] Dear Dad... Worst part? I still wanted you there. Not the anger. The waiting. I got loud because silence kept winning Got sharp because soft got punished Made jokes so the hurt had a costume Under the noise, there’s still that kid Watching headlights Begging one to become you. They never do. [Outro] Dear Dad... I’m still here. Still here.