I'm Evil Now - Edited

[Verse 1] New game started Difficulty: unnecessary Player one: optimistic Okay, new day, fresh start I'm sure everything will be fine, right? Alarm failure Coffee failure Life failure Oh, you've gotta be kidding me My alarm didn't ring Stepped on a Lego and started to scream Burned my toast, then I spilled my tea My cat threw up while staring at me Car won't start, got a parking fine Some jerk cut me off at the county line Got to work and the printer jammed Then my boss said, "Smile" Well, I'll be damned I tried deep breaths I counted to ten I said, "It's okay" Again and again But something inside me just snapped somehow [Chorus] To personal reasons, I'm evil now To personal reasons, I'm evil now I'm evil now Gonna wear a black cape and take a dramatic bow I tried being nice, but the universe said no So I'm building a death ray in my basement below To personal reasons, I'm evil now I'm evil now Don't ask me why, don't ask me how My villain origin story starts right here With a parking ticket and a broken coffee machine [Verse 2] Evil now My lunch was stolen from the office fridge My Wi-Fi died and I got stuck on the bridge My phone hit one percent, then an email said "Quick question for you" My boss scheduled meetings through my lunch, said, "We're like family" I wanted to punch a pillow, a couch, or a bag of rice 'Cause apparently prison would not be nice Then the vending machine ate my last five bucks And I whispered softly, "This whole planet sucks" I tried to be mature, I tried to be chill But my patience just received its final bill [Bridge] Sanity: zero Moral alignment: nefas Class unlock: super villain [Chorus] To personal reasons, I'm evil now Gonna build a secret lair underneath the town I used to pay my taxes, I used to mow my lawn Now I'm monologuing with my sunglasses on To personal reasons, I'm evil now Got a swivel chair and a sinister scowl My therapist said, "Find a brand new hobby" So I started an evil empire in my lobby [Outro] Evil now Bow down Insert coin, final boss in town They laughed when I bought the cape They laughed when I named my Roomba Doom They laughed when I installed the trap door It's just a laundry chute But the principle remains First, I'll control the weather Then the traffic lights I'll make every password require forty-seven characters I'll put ads on the moon I'll make Mondays twice as long I'll make every phone charger just slightly too short Are we the baddies? Yes, Kim, keep up To personal reasons, I'm evil now Got a laser-eyed hamster and a villainous cow I used to believe that good would prevail Now I'm charging five bucks just to open my email To personal reasons, I'm evil now I'm the final boss, baby, take a bow You can call me dramatic, you can call me insane But I'm never singing in traffic again World domination pending Evil lair under construction Credit score: insufficient What do you mean my evil loan was denied? No matter, tomorrow will be better I'm gonna get some sleep Start fresh Maybe take a walk Rent has increased Summon the henchmen New objective unlocked Destroy the home owners' association To personal reasons, I'm evil now I'm evil now To personal reasons, I'm evil now