Distance

Why do I keep reopening this...? An old username still exists somewhere, a calendar still keeps a day I forgot, Someone once wrote my name beside a plan that happened, changed, or maybe did not. I tell myself I'm only looking, just checking what was really there, Then I notice how I slow down when something ordinary feels too familiar to bear. Do I miss it, or miss who I was? Do I want it back, or just because— Take me close enough to recognize the life I used to move inside, But not so close I start believing I could wear that version of myself tonight. I want to know if something stayed there, or if I'm only making meaning after all, And every time I think I've found the difference, I can't tell which side is doing the recall. Open close Back forward Was it mine? Is it now? Reopen— Take me close enough to recognize the life I used to move inside, But not so close I start believing I could wear that version of myself tonight. I want to know if something stayed there, or if I'm only making meaning after all, Take me close enough to feel the shape of something I can't enter anymore, Let me stand beside the version of myself that never knew what leaving would be for. Was it better? Was I? Do I miss then— or the distance from it now? Why do I keep reopening this...?