NO COFFEE, NO CROWN (4.5+ HellcatNZ's Challenge)

[Intro ] Who set the morning to “inferno”? Where is my coffee? This is not rehearsal! [Verse 1] Alarm clock bit me, six-oh-five I slapped the toaster back alive My mug is empty, sink is smoke The coffee maker coughed and broke I got a number, stage at nine A paper crown that should be mine But every note comes out half-dead Till bean-black lightning hits my head [Pre-Chorus] One cup, two cups, clear the track I need my nervous system back The judges grin, the curtains shake Don’t make me sing before I wake [Chorus — gang-shouted responses] No coffee, no crown! Whole damn hill is burning down Four on the floor, six strings bite I’m gonna tank this thing by nine No coffee, no crown! Hear me howl through every round Fill the mug and ring the bell— King of the hill in caffeine hell! (No coffee!) (No crown!) (No coffee!) (No crown!) [Verse 2] I hit the café, line out the door Some cheerful man said, “Morning!”—war The barista asked, “Decaf today?” I growled so hard the lids blew away My card declined, the grinder jammed The milk went up, the breaker slammed They wrote my name as “Angry Red” I ate the sleeve and fled instead [Pre-Chorus 2] They call my number—I miss my slot I sprint onstage, the mic is hot The head judge asks me, “What have you got?” I point at smoke: “That’s what I’ve got!” [Chorus] No coffee, no crown! Whole damn hill is burning down Four on the floor, six strings bite I’m gonna tank this thing by nine No coffee, no crown! Hear me howl through every round Fill the mug and ring the bell— King of the hill in caffeine hell! (No coffee!) (No crown!) (No coffee!) (No crown!) [Bridge — menacing half-time; mostly spoken] Wait. On the judge’s table— one black coffee. Unattended. That’s not a beverage. That’s a rescue mission! I grab the cup, I take one drink My left eye starts to learn to blink The flames stand up and form a choir The kick comes back, the wires catch fire One! Two! Three! Four! [Final Chorus — maximum intensity] Got coffee, got crown! Let the burning scoreboard shout Four on the floor, six strings bite I own this hill till lunchtime Got coffee, got crown! Every judge is backing down Raise the mug and ring the bell— King of the hill in caffeine hell! (Got coffee!) (Got crown!) King of the hill in caffeine hell! [Outro — sudden stop] Wait. This says... decaf... [Feedback blast] NOOOOOOO!