Down at the Bear Bar and Grill Where the beer is cold and the bears sit still The door swung wide with a terrible glare And in walked Brian, a big bare bear My name is Brian the Bear, he said Bring me a beer with a frothy head The barman looked him up and down Then leaned across with a worried frown I’m sorry, sir, but the rule is clear We don’t serve bare bears beer in here Not at the Bear Bar and Grill No bare bears beer, and we never will At the Bear Bar and Grill We have standards to fulfil We don’t serve bare bears beer So put some trousers on round here You may grumble, you may glare You may growl and pull your hair But we don’t serve bare bears beer At the Bear Bar and Grill Bugger, said Brian, give me a beer And banged on the bar so the bottles could hear He eyed the barman, fierce and square With both of his big brown buttocks bare Brian, the barman said, listen well We don’t serve bears who bang and yell We don’t serve bare bears beer Especially bears who bloody well swear Brian growled, you bugger Then banged the bar again Give me a bloody beer, he roared Or things may not end well, my friend At the Bear Bar and Grill We have standards to fulfil We don’t serve bare, bar-banging Bellowing bears their beer Especially bears who swear With their furry bottoms bare No bare, bar-banging, bellowing bears At the Bear Bar and Grill Brian reached across the bar And booped the barman from afar A single boop upon the nose And down behind the pumps he goes The barman rose and brushed his shirt His pride was bruised, his nose was hurt Brian, I have told you twice Now listen close and listen nice We do not serve bare Bellowing, bar-banging Barman-booping bears their beer Especially when the barman is me You bare, belligerent Bar-bashing, beer-begging Barman-booping bastard bear Kindly remove yourself from here Brian booped the barman once again Bellowing beer like a beast gone insane He battered the bar with a booming paw And bit through the timber with one great jaw He chewed the counter, clean and neat Then spat out splinters at the barman’s feet The barman rose from the floor once more And pointed Brian towards the door At the Bear Bar and Grill We have standards to fulfil We don’t serve bare, bellowing Bar-banging bears their beer Not barman-booping bears With their big brown bottoms bare Not bar-biting, bloody swearing Bastard bears in here At the Bear Bar and Grill We have standards to fulfil And we especially do not serve Any bears who do drugs here Brian froze Drugs Wait What do you mean, drugs Yes, sir The evidence is great You just bit through my counter I saw the barbityouate
