Five Days Flat

country rock, southern rock, storytelling

**Production Notes**
Keep intro 2 bars max. Add subtle audience “ mm-hmm ” or “ that’s right ” responses under choruses. No long solo; tiny 4-bar Tele lick into Bridge.

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**[Spoken Intro – Patter, 2 bars]**
“Monday: ‘No government.’ Friday: ‘Where’s my card?’ Must’ve been quite a week.”

**[Verse 1]**
Monday you were preaching from the courthouse rail,
“No kings, no crowns, no rules, no bail.”
Said freedom’s just a lock with no keyhole slot,
“Leave me be, I’ll keep what I’ve got.”
Then Wednesday came a blackout, pantry running thin,
By Friday you were rattling the clerk’s glass spin:
“Where’s the line, where’s the card, where do I sign?”
Funny how the clock can change a mind.

**[Chorus]**
If you can go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat,
You might be a liberal, friend —
not saying it’s evil, just calling it that.
Storm hits the roof and the tune turns fast,
From “leave me alone” to “somebody act.”
If you can go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat.

**[Verse 2]**
Last week you were marching with a handmade sign,
“Smaller state, bigger hearts — I’ll be fine.”
Then shelves went bare and the sirens cried,
Suddenly “the system” seemed real nice.
You wanted fewer strings, fewer forms to write,
’Til the streetlights died on a windy night.
Now it’s “program here, hotline there,”
Funny how the cold makes prayer sound fair.

**[Chorus]**
If you can go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat,
You might be a liberal, friend —
I’m just rhyming the facts.
When comfort’s full and the talk runs fat,
Independence feels like an easy hat.
If you can go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat.

**[Bridge – Breakdown]**
Trouble tests the flags we wave,
Need shows all the paths we pave.
Freedom isn’t just a cap,
It’s work and plans and a well-marked map.
Stock your shed or plan to beg;
Choose your yoke or hitch your leg.

**[Verse 3]**
Saturday sun and the grid hums back,
You’re laughing in the beer-line, talking smack.
“Man, that week was rough,” you tip your hat,
But the lesson’s sitting right where you’re at:
Fill your tank, mend your roof, sharpen your saw,
Rely on grit, your God, your law.
’Cause when the wind comes howling past,
You won’t flip scripts when the chips fall fast.

**[Final Chorus]**
If you can go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat,
You might be a liberal, friend —
That shoe fits right where it’s at.
Better build your backbone, stash your stash,
Stand on your feet when the systems crash.
Or you’ll go from “no government”
to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat.

**[Tag – Hard Stop]**
Five days flat… funny how fast freedom asks for payback.

3012/7500

**Energy Map** 0:00–0:04 Intro patter over rim-clicks → 0:04 Verse 1 (low) → 0:44 Chorus (lift) → 1:12 Verse 2 (low+fills) → 1:52 Chorus (bigger) → 2:20 Bridge (breakdown, toms) → 2:47 Verse 3 (build) → 3:10 Final Chorus + Tag (max) → 3:40 hard stop **Production Notes** Keep intro 2 bars max. Add subtle audience “ mm-hmm ” or “ that’s right ” responses under choruses. No long solo; tiny 4-bar Tele lick into Bridge. --- **[Spoken Intro – Patter, 2 bars]** “Monday: ‘No government.’ Friday: ‘Where’s my card?’ Must’ve been quite a week.” **[Verse 1]** Monday you were preaching from the courthouse rail, “No kings, no crowns, no rules, no bail.” Said freedom’s just a lock with no keyhole slot, “Leave me be, I’ll keep what I’ve got.” Then Wednesday came a blackout, pantry running thin, By Friday you were rattling the clerk’s glass spin: “Where’s the line, where’s the card, where do I sign?” Funny how the clock can change a mind. **[Chorus]** If you can go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat, You might be a liberal, friend — not saying it’s evil, just calling it that. Storm hits the roof and the tune turns fast, From “leave me alone” to “somebody act.” If you can go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat. **[Verse 2]** Last week you were marching with a handmade sign, “Smaller state, bigger hearts — I’ll be fine.” Then shelves went bare and the sirens cried, Suddenly “the system” seemed real nice. You wanted fewer strings, fewer forms to write, ’Til the streetlights died on a windy night. Now it’s “program here, hotline there,” Funny how the cold makes prayer sound fair. **[Chorus]** If you can go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat, You might be a liberal, friend — I’m just rhyming the facts. When comfort’s full and the talk runs fat, Independence feels like an easy hat. If you can go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat. **[Bridge – Breakdown]** Trouble tests the flags we wave, Need shows all the paths we pave. Freedom isn’t just a cap, It’s work and plans and a well-marked map. Stock your shed or plan to beg; Choose your yoke or hitch your leg. **[Verse 3]** Saturday sun and the grid hums back, You’re laughing in the beer-line, talking smack. “Man, that week was rough,” you tip your hat, But the lesson’s sitting right where you’re at: Fill your tank, mend your roof, sharpen your saw, Rely on grit, your God, your law. ’Cause when the wind comes howling past, You won’t flip scripts when the chips fall fast. **[Final Chorus]** If you can go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat, You might be a liberal, friend — That shoe fits right where it’s at. Better build your backbone, stash your stash, Stand on your feet when the systems crash. Or you’ll go from “no government” to “where are my food stamps?” in five days flat. **[Tag – Hard Stop]** Five days flat… funny how fast freedom asks for payback.

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