[Verse 1] I learned early not to trust it Every ache became a test If I couldn't push straight through it I just wasn't trying my best So I learned to keep on moving Way past any common sense Pain could leave me on the floor And I'd still think I was being dramatic By the time I'd ask for help I'd already made a case Why the blood was probably nothing Why the fever could probably wait Why shaking didn't mean that much Why I wasn't really that sick My body could be falling apart And I'd still find a reason for it [Pre-Chorus] I've always had a faulty gauge Everything reads mild Someone fucked with all the numbers And I learned to trust the dial [Chorus] How sick do I have to get Before I count as sick? How bad does something have to hurt Before I stop questioning it? Give me numbers, give me diagnoses Give me something I can prove I'll hold the evidence against myself And somehow still conclude: I'm probably just lazy I'm probably too sensitive Everybody else can handle this I'm making too much out of it I know exactly what the chart says I know what the doctors think But there's always something in me saying, You're fine. Get up. You're fine. [Verse 2] Blood where blood should never be Pus collecting under skin Three days folded around a stomachache Before I finally gave in I've scared the shit out of doctors Then wondered what the fuss was for If I could still technically function It couldn't be that serious I thought I had no tolerance That I just couldn't handle pain Turns out I can take a fucking lot And call myself weak anyway Turns out feeling something hurt Was never proof I needed care I could know exactly what I felt And still decide it wasn't there [Pre-Chorus] Maybe I just need more discipline Maybe everybody feels this way Maybe if I weren't so fucking needy I could make the problem go away [Chorus] How sick do I have to get Before I count as sick? How bad does something have to hurt Before I stop questioning it? Give me bloodwork, give me test results Give the thing a fucking name I'll read it in my own medical record Then wonder if I'm still to blame I'm probably just lazy I'm probably too sensitive Everybody else can handle this I'm making too much out of it I know exactly what the chart says I know what the doctors think But there's always something in me saying, You're fine. Get up. You're fine. [Verse 3] I thought everybody fought their brain To do the simplest fucking task Thought discipline was something Everybody had and I just lacked I thought everybody got this tired I was just bad at staying awake When something's been there all your life You don't know it has a name Now I've got the diagnoses I've got bottles by my bed I've got numbers on the page That say it wasn't in my head And I'm pissed that no one caught it While I'm doubting it myself How did I spend all those years struggling And think I just sucked at everything else? [Bridge] If somebody had noticed sooner Would I hate myself this much? Would I call exhaustion laziness? Would needing help still feel like too much? Would I have spent so many years Trying to discipline disease? Would I know the difference Between what's hard because it's hard And what's harder for me? There's no other life to measure No version I can check Where someone caught it early And I learned what to expect There's just me looking backward At a kid who didn't know That trying twice as hard as everyone Wasn't how it had to go [Breakdown] You're fine. Get up. You're fine. The blood? Probably nothing. The pain? You're sensitive. Can't stay awake? Everybody's tired. Can't get anything done? Try harder. You're fine. Get up. You're— [Final Chorus] How sick do I have to get Before I let myself be sick? How much evidence is enough Before I finally believe it? I've had blood and scans and surgeries I've had specialists agree I've watched my own body turn against me And I still cross-examine me Maybe I'm just lazy Maybe I'm too sensitive Maybe everybody else could do this Maybe I'm the problem in it I can know exactly what is wrong And still distrust the way it feels Turns out knowing something's real Doesn't make it feel real [Outro] Something hurts. I'm fine. Something's wrong. I'm fine. I need help. I'm fine. I know. I'm fine.
