[Instrumental, Slow fade in] [dramatic buildup] [Guitar Enters] [Intro] Hi, it's Vince with Slap Chop! You’re gonna be in a great mood all day... Because you’re gonna be slapping your troubles away… [Climax] With the SLAP CHOP! SLAP CHOP! [Main Riff, Short Guitar Solo] [Verse ] Here’s a potato: SLAP! Big chunks for stew. Two slaps, home fries. Even add a mushroom! You love salad. You hate making it. that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. —-- Watch this: SLAP! You've got a Salad! I love Pizza too, But get the veggies in! You’re gonna change your eating habits. Soup or Coleslaw in seconds! [Instrumental] [Verse] This tuna looks boring. STOP HAVING BORING TUNA! STOP HAVING A BORING LIFE! SLAP! Now you’re gonna have a nice tuna salad. You’re gonna have an exciting life now. OW! —-- Here’s a hard boiled egg. SLAP! add a pickle, green onion, ham, and mix together SLAP! You don’t have time for breakfast… Breakfast to go! [Chorus] SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP!) SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP!) [Instrumental] YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!!! [Verse] Watch this: almonds, walnuts… SLAP! Comes with a handy cover. So easy, you can use just one finger. They charge a dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Stop throwing your money away! Put a mango: SLAP! Beautiful on your ice cream. You're gonna slap away everyday ‘cause it's so easy to clean. [Instrumental] —-- One. Two. Pops open like a butterfly. The ones you see at the stores, You can’t clean it! You can’t open this up, its worthless! FORGET ABOUT IT!! [Chorus] SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP!) SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP!) [Verse] Now here’s the garlic SLAP! -- (Alright!) de-skins the garlic Onions with the skin, Making you cry, making me cry. Life’s hard enough as it is. You don’t wanna cry anymore. OW! —-- Don’t wanna drag out the food processor. Put a tomato, Cilantro, hot peppers… You hit it like this: SLAP! You see that? We’re gonna make America skinny again… ONE SLAP AT A TIME! [Guitar Solo] [Bridge] (Now here’s the deal…) When you buy the Slap Chop, we’re gonna give you the Graty for cheese. White cheese, yellow cheese. Comes with a twister, watch this: Tacos… Fettucini… Linguine… Martini… Bikini. You’re gonna love this thing. [Prechrous] The Slap Chop sells for 19.95, but call in the next 20 minutes – Cuz you know we can’t do this all day – You’re gonna to get the Graty… ABSOLUTELY FREE! HERE’S HOW TO ORDER! [Final Chorus] SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP) SLAP CHOP! (I once slapped a hooker!) SLAP CHOP! (SLAP CHOP) SLAP CHOP! (She shoulda known better!) [Outro Instrumental] “You’re gonna love my nuts!”
