SUGAR, SHAKE & TROUBLE [INTRO — Deep funky slap upright bass, spoon tapping against a coffee cup, distant diner chatter] [Female voice, sleepy and unimpressed] Two in the morning… One lousy date… And the only thing I’ve kissed tonight… Is this piece of chocolate cake. [Upright bass — BOOM, ba-DUM, ba-DUM] [Waitress, spoken] More coffee, sweetheart? [Female, mischievously] Honey… Bring me the whole pot! [EXPLOSIVE BRASS RIFF — New Orleans second-line drums, slap bass, funky ska guitar] [VERSE 1 — Bouncy, sassy female vocals] Had a date with a gentleman, polished and neat, Had a fancy little car and expensive front teeth. Spent an hour talking business, another on his hair, Then he asked me what I thought — I said, “Was I supposed to care?” He said, “I’m quite important!” I said, “Aren’t we all?” He said, “You oughta see my penthouse!” I said, “You oughta learn to call!” Left him with the check and his precious little pride, Found a twenty-four-hour diner on the other side! [Horn Stabs — BAP! BAP! BA-DA-BAP!] [PRE-CHORUS — Bass bouncing, congas building] Now the waitress got a rhythm, And the cook can play the spoons. There’s a saxophone behind the counter, And somebody knows a tune! I said, “Darling, bring the sugar!” She said, “Honey, make it two!” ‘Cause when the night goes wrong, Here’s what a girl should do! [CHORUS — HUGE FUNKY BRASS HOOK, infectious female harmonies] SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! Put a little swing in my bubble! BOOM! BAP! DOUBLE! Make the whole damn floorboards rumble! Pour it sweet! Make it strong! If the night goes wrong, We dance ALL NIGHT LONG! SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! OH, BABY, MAKE IT DOUBLE! [Backing vocals] (Shake it, shake it!) MAKE IT DOUBLE! (Shake it, shake it!) GIMME TROUBLE! [INSTRUMENTAL — Funky baritone sax riff, trumpets answering, upright bass slapping furiously] [VERSE 2 — Playful rapid ska vocals] Now the cook came sliding with a spatula spin, Said, “I’ve got some eggs, but the band ain’t in!” The waitress grabbed a microphone, the dishwasher a horn, And the man who makes the pancakes played piano till the morn! The trucker in the corner had a rhythm in his boots, The lady at the register was dancing in her shoes. Then the manager came running, said, “What is going on?” [Music stops] [Manager, outraged] WHO AUTHORIZED A DANCE FLOOR?! [Female, sweetly] Nobody, sweetheart. [Pause] That’s why it’s so much fun. [EXPLOSIVE TROMBONE SLIDE — Full band drops into a deeper funk groove] [PRE-CHORUS — Horns climbing, backing voices answering] Now the coffee’s getting colder, But the whole place is on fire! (HEY! HEY!) And the saxophone is playing Like the rent’s about to expire! (PLAY IT, BABY!) If tomorrow brings a headache, Well, tomorrow’s gonna wait! We got six more hours of midnight, And a mighty fine chocolate cake! [CHORUS — Powerful female lead, full brass section] SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! Put a little swing in my bubble! BOOM! BAP! DOUBLE! Make the whole damn floorboards rumble! Pour it sweet! Make it strong! If the night goes wrong, We dance ALL NIGHT LONG! SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! OH, BABY, MAKE IT DOUBLE! [INSTRUMENTAL DANCE BREAK — 40 seconds] [Funky slap upright bass solo, fast walking lines] [Congas enter with Latin swing rhythm] [Ska guitar chops on the offbeats] [Baritone sax plays a filthy, growling riff] [Trumpets answer with soaring high notes] [Full 12-piece brass section erupts into syncopated New Orleans funk] [Sudden complete silence] [Female, whispering] Uh-oh… [Sound of a diner bell — DING!] [Spoken male voice] Excuse me, miss… Is this seat taken? [Female] Depends… Can you dance? [Male] Not particularly. [Female] Perfect! [Slap bass hits a funky descending run] I love a man with room for improvement! [BRIDGE — Half-time funky groove, sultry bluesy female vocals] I don’t need a diamond, Don’t need a fancy car. Don’t need a handsome stranger Telling me how wonderful you are. Just give me a little rhythm, A little honesty and soul. Someone who can laugh when life Gets a little out of control. [Warm female backing harmonies] (Ooh, let it roll…) (Let the good times roll…) [Female, spoken] And another thing, honey… [Band stops] NEVER trust a man Who doesn’t tip the waitress! [EXPLOSIVE BRASS DROP — Faster ska rhythm, pounding drums] [FINAL CHORUS — Huge soaring female vocals, crowd chants and full brass section] SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! PUT A LITTLE SWING IN MY BUBBLE! BOOM! BAP! DOUBLE! MAKE THE WHOLE DAMN FLOORBOARDS RUMBLE! POUR IT SWEET! MAKE IT STRONG! IF THE NIGHT GOES WRONG, WE DANCE ALL NIGHT LONG! SUGAR! SHAKE! TROUBLE! OH, BABY, MAKE IT DOUBLE! [BACKING VOCALS — Wild call and response] (WHO’S GOT THE SUGAR?) I GOT THE SUGAR! (WHO’S GOT THE SHAKE?) I GOT THE SHAKE! (WHO BROUGHT THE TROUBLE?) [Band stops] [Female, innocent voice] Well… It certainly wasn’t the waitress. [EXPLOSIVE TRUMPET FANFARE] [OUTRO — Wild funk-ska jam, blazing trumpet solo, growling sax, rel
