Honest Work by Jordy The Ill

[Spoken Intro]
FATTYFOOT: Tonight we sing of a dark and shameful time.
PIP: The day we tried honest work.
FATTYFOOT: We almost died of it.

[Verse 1]
PIP:
We woke up with a plan one morn
To live like decent folk
Earn one coin by sweat and toil
Instead of charm and smoke
FATTYFOOT:
No lifting rings from sleepy hands
No vanishing by noon
No "borrowing" a silver spoon
Then humming a happy tune
PIP:
We shook on it by breakfast light
And swore before the stew
"Today we earn an honest coin."
And then we tried to. We really tried to.

[Chorus]
BOTH:
Honest work! Honest pay!
Tried it once for half a day
Honest work! Honest wage!
Nearly died of righteous rage
Push the cart, stack the crate
Smile polite and stand up straight
Honest work? That life’s berserk
We are not designed for honest work

[Verse 2]
FATTYFOOT:
First we tried the market square
Hauling sacks of beets
I bent to lift and split my pants
Right down the honest seats
PIP:
Then I tried to sweep a shop
With dignity and grace
But found the till was open wide
And silver in my face
FATTYFOOT:
I said "Don’t touch."
She said "I won’t."
She touched it with one eye
PIP:
I was straightening the coins by weight.
FATTYFOOT:
That is still a crime.

[Chorus]
BOTH:
Honest work! Honest pay!
Tried it once for half a day
Honest work! Honest wage!
Leaves a person understaged
Ring the bell, mind the clerk
Keep your fingers off the merch
Honest work? That life’s berserk
We are not designed for honest work

[Bridge]
PIP:
Then we tried a stable job
Brushing down a mare
The horse took one look into my soul
And kicked me through a chair
FATTYFOOT:
I served soup in a lunch hall line
To laborers in boots
Dropped a ladle in my apron
Walked off with all the spoons
PIP:
The foreman said "You’re quick with hands."
I thought he meant a raise
FATTYFOOT:
He meant "Why is my pocket watch
Now hidden in the glaze?"

[Break - crowd chant]
CROWD:
Honest work!
PIP:
Too hard!
CROWD:
Honest work!
Morality in flames
We tried to live like lawful folk
But lawful folk are strange
FATTYFOOT:
Then walking home we passed a cart
Unwatched beside the lane
One wheel of cheese, three bolts of silk
A pie still warm from rain
PIP:
We looked at it
FATTYFOOT:
It looked at us
BOTH:
The universe then smirked
PIP:
You cannot blame a fish for swim
FATTYFOOT:
Or us for better work

[Final Chorus]
BOTH:
Honest work! Honest pay!
Tried it once for half a day
Honest work! Honest wage!
Not our skill set, not our stage
Lift the latch, slip the purse
Some are blessed and some are cursed
Honest work? That life’s berserk
Thank the gods for crooked work

[Outro]
FATTYFOOT: We did return the cart.
PIP: Most of it.
FATTYFOOT: We returned the pie tin.
PIP: Empty, but respectfully.

2710/7500

[Spoken Intro] FATTYFOOT: Tonight we sing of a dark and shameful time. PIP: The day we tried honest work. FATTYFOOT: We almost died of it. [Verse 1] PIP: We woke up with a plan one morn To live like decent folk Earn one coin by sweat and toil Instead of charm and smoke FATTYFOOT: No lifting rings from sleepy hands No vanishing by noon No "borrowing" a silver spoon Then humming a happy tune PIP: We shook on it by breakfast light And swore before the stew "Today we earn an honest coin." And then we tried to. We really tried to. [Chorus] BOTH: Honest work! Honest pay! Tried it once for half a day Honest work! Honest wage! Nearly died of righteous rage Push the cart, stack the crate Smile polite and stand up straight Honest work? That life’s berserk We are not designed for honest work [Verse 2] FATTYFOOT: First we tried the market square Hauling sacks of beets I bent to lift and split my pants Right down the honest seats PIP: Then I tried to sweep a shop With dignity and grace But found the till was open wide And silver in my face FATTYFOOT: I said "Don’t touch." She said "I won’t." She touched it with one eye PIP: I was straightening the coins by weight. FATTYFOOT: That is still a crime. [Chorus] BOTH: Honest work! Honest pay! Tried it once for half a day Honest work! Honest wage! Leaves a person understaged Ring the bell, mind the clerk Keep your fingers off the merch Honest work? That life’s berserk We are not designed for honest work [Bridge] PIP: Then we tried a stable job Brushing down a mare The horse took one look into my soul And kicked me through a chair FATTYFOOT: I served soup in a lunch hall line To laborers in boots Dropped a ladle in my apron Walked off with all the spoons PIP: The foreman said "You’re quick with hands." I thought he meant a raise FATTYFOOT: He meant "Why is my pocket watch Now hidden in the glaze?" [Break - crowd chant] CROWD: Honest work! PIP: Too hard! CROWD: Honest work! Morality in flames We tried to live like lawful folk But lawful folk are strange FATTYFOOT: Then walking home we passed a cart Unwatched beside the lane One wheel of cheese, three bolts of silk A pie still warm from rain PIP: We looked at it FATTYFOOT: It looked at us BOTH: The universe then smirked PIP: You cannot blame a fish for swim FATTYFOOT: Or us for better work [Final Chorus] BOTH: Honest work! Honest pay! Tried it once for half a day Honest work! Honest wage! Not our skill set, not our stage Lift the latch, slip the purse Some are blessed and some are cursed Honest work? That life’s berserk Thank the gods for crooked work [Outro] FATTYFOOT: We did return the cart. PIP: Most of it. FATTYFOOT: We returned the pie tin. PIP: Empty, but respectfully.

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