Warehouse Call Log 2 — Warehouse Crisis Hotline: The Questions Nobody Answers

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V4.5-ALL

[SCENE — WFYC RADIO BOOTH]
[sound: radio static, warehouse hum, distant forklifts, phone ringing]

[ANNOUNCER: Female]
You're listening to WFYC Radio.

This is...

Warehouse Crisis Hotline.

Got a question?
Got a problem?
Got five coworkers who won't answer you?

Call now.

[sound: radio click]

[TARZ: Male]
Good afternoon, warehouse professionals.

I'm Tarz.

[JACQUES: Male]
I'm Jacques.

[TARZ]
We're here to listen.

[JACQUES]
And hopefully prevent unnecessary walking.

[TARZ]
Every question deserves attention.

[JACQUES]
Some deserve thirty seconds.

[sound: phone rings]

[TARZ]
First caller.

---

[CALLER 1: Male, confused]
Hey, am I on?

[TARZ]
You are.

[CALLER 1]
Okay, so I have a forklift problem.

[TARZ]
Tell us what happened.

[CALLER 1]
I hit a pothole earlier.

It wasn't even that bad.

Then the forklift stopped and locked me out.

[JACQUES]
What did the screen say?

[CALLER 1]
It said contact manager.

[TARZ]
And what did you do?

[CALLER 1]
I went on break.

[JACQUES]
Why?

[CALLER 1]
I figured it would reset.

[TARZ]
What made you think that?

[CALLER 1]
I don't know.

I thought maybe it needed a minute.

[JACQUES]
Did the forklift know you were taking a break?

[CALLER 1]
No.

[JACQUES]
Then it probably didn't reset.

[CALLER 1]
So I actually need my manager?

[JACQUES]
The forklift already told you that.

[CALLER 1]
I thought it was just a warning.

[TARZ]
Sometimes we ignore the answers because they aren't the answers we wanted.

[JACQUES]
The forklift tried.

[CALLER 1]
Yeah...

I guess it did.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[sound: phone rings]

[CALLER 2: Female, serious]
Hi.

I have a question about aisle numbers.

[TARZ]
Go ahead.

[CALLER 2]
Why does the warehouse skip numbers?

[JACQUES]
It doesn't.

[CALLER 2]
It does.

[TARZ]
Let's hear the question.

[CALLER 2]
Okay.

The first row is aisle one.

Then the next row is aisle three.

Why isn't it aisle two?

[JACQUES]
Wait.

You're talking about rows.

[CALLER 2]
Yeah.

[JACQUES]
Not aisles.

[CALLER 2]
But they look like rows.

[TARZ]
You're seeing the physical layout.

[JACQUES]
The warehouse is counting the aisle sides.

[CALLER 2]
So one row can have two aisle numbers?

[JACQUES]
Exactly.

[CALLER 2]
I thought I was missing something.

[TARZ]
You weren't.

You were just using a different way of looking at it.

[JACQUES]
A way the warehouse doesn't use.

[CALLER 2]
That actually makes sense.

[JACQUES]
Careful.

You're learning.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[CHORUS: ALL]
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

Questions coming through the line!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

Making sense one call at a time!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

From the floor to the wall!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

We're answering them all!

---

[sound: phone rings]

[CALLER 3: Male, frustrated]
Hey, I need to know where I get pallet jack certified.

[TARZ]
What made you think you need certification?

[CALLER 3]
My coworker told me.

[JACQUES]
Who was it?

[CALLER 3]
Why does everyone ask that?

[JACQUES]
Because we know.

[CALLER 3]
I asked my supervisor.

They laughed.

I asked shipping.

They laughed.

I asked receiving.

They laughed and walked away.

[TARZ]
How did that make you feel?

[CALLER 3]
Like nobody wanted to help me.

[JACQUES]
Nobody wanted to help you because nobody wanted to ruin the joke.

[CALLER 3]
What joke?

[JACQUES]
You've been sent on a mission.

[CALLER 3]
Wait...

There's no pallet jack certification?

[JACQUES]
Not the way your coworker described it.

[CALLER 3]
I asked six people.

[JACQUES]
And six people had a better day.

[CALLER 3]
I'm getting that coworker back.

[TARZ]
Perhaps with communication.

[JACQUES]
Or a better prank.

[TARZ]
Jacques.

[JACQUES]
I'm kidding.

Probably.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[sound: phone rings]

[CALLER 4: Female, embarrassed]
Okay...

Don't laugh.

[TARZ]
We won't.

[JACQUES]
No promises.

[CALLER 4]
I lost my scanner.

[TARZ]
Where have you looked?

[CALLER 4]
Everywhere.

[JACQUES]
What are you holding?

[CALLER 4]
...

My scanner.

[pause]

[TARZ]
How do you feel about that discovery?

[CALLER 4]
I'm hanging up.

[JACQUES]
Successful recovery.

[sound: caller hangs up]

---

[BRIDGE]
[sound: warehouse radio chatter, forklift backup alarms]

[TARZ]
Sometimes people don't need the answer.

[JACQUES]
They need someone to ask the question.

[TARZ]
And sometimes...

[JACQUES]
The answer is on the screen.

---

[FINAL CHORUS: ALL]
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

Call us when you're unsure!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

We'll help you find the cure!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

No problem too small!

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!

We're listening to them all!

[OUTRO]
[sound: phone rings, radio static]

[ANNOUNCER: Female]
WFYC Radio.

Warehouse Crisis Hotline.

Still taking calls.

[TARZ]
Another caller?

[JACQUES]
Definitely another caller.

[sound: radio static fades]

4857/7500

[SCENE — WFYC RADIO BOOTH] [sound: radio static, warehouse hum, distant forklifts, phone ringing] [ANNOUNCER: Female] You're listening to WFYC Radio. This is... Warehouse Crisis Hotline. Got a question? Got a problem? Got five coworkers who won't answer you? Call now. [sound: radio click] [TARZ: Male] Good afternoon, warehouse professionals. I'm Tarz. [JACQUES: Male] I'm Jacques. [TARZ] We're here to listen. [JACQUES] And hopefully prevent unnecessary walking. [TARZ] Every question deserves attention. [JACQUES] Some deserve thirty seconds. [sound: phone rings] [TARZ] First caller. --- [CALLER 1: Male, confused] Hey, am I on? [TARZ] You are. [CALLER 1] Okay, so I have a forklift problem. [TARZ] Tell us what happened. [CALLER 1] I hit a pothole earlier. It wasn't even that bad. Then the forklift stopped and locked me out. [JACQUES] What did the screen say? [CALLER 1] It said contact manager. [TARZ] And what did you do? [CALLER 1] I went on break. [JACQUES] Why? [CALLER 1] I figured it would reset. [TARZ] What made you think that? [CALLER 1] I don't know. I thought maybe it needed a minute. [JACQUES] Did the forklift know you were taking a break? [CALLER 1] No. [JACQUES] Then it probably didn't reset. [CALLER 1] So I actually need my manager? [JACQUES] The forklift already told you that. [CALLER 1] I thought it was just a warning. [TARZ] Sometimes we ignore the answers because they aren't the answers we wanted. [JACQUES] The forklift tried. [CALLER 1] Yeah... I guess it did. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [sound: phone rings] [CALLER 2: Female, serious] Hi. I have a question about aisle numbers. [TARZ] Go ahead. [CALLER 2] Why does the warehouse skip numbers? [JACQUES] It doesn't. [CALLER 2] It does. [TARZ] Let's hear the question. [CALLER 2] Okay. The first row is aisle one. Then the next row is aisle three. Why isn't it aisle two? [JACQUES] Wait. You're talking about rows. [CALLER 2] Yeah. [JACQUES] Not aisles. [CALLER 2] But they look like rows. [TARZ] You're seeing the physical layout. [JACQUES] The warehouse is counting the aisle sides. [CALLER 2] So one row can have two aisle numbers? [JACQUES] Exactly. [CALLER 2] I thought I was missing something. [TARZ] You weren't. You were just using a different way of looking at it. [JACQUES] A way the warehouse doesn't use. [CALLER 2] That actually makes sense. [JACQUES] Careful. You're learning. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [CHORUS: ALL] Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Questions coming through the line! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Making sense one call at a time! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! From the floor to the wall! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! We're answering them all! --- [sound: phone rings] [CALLER 3: Male, frustrated] Hey, I need to know where I get pallet jack certified. [TARZ] What made you think you need certification? [CALLER 3] My coworker told me. [JACQUES] Who was it? [CALLER 3] Why does everyone ask that? [JACQUES] Because we know. [CALLER 3] I asked my supervisor. They laughed. I asked shipping. They laughed. I asked receiving. They laughed and walked away. [TARZ] How did that make you feel? [CALLER 3] Like nobody wanted to help me. [JACQUES] Nobody wanted to help you because nobody wanted to ruin the joke. [CALLER 3] What joke? [JACQUES] You've been sent on a mission. [CALLER 3] Wait... There's no pallet jack certification? [JACQUES] Not the way your coworker described it. [CALLER 3] I asked six people. [JACQUES] And six people had a better day. [CALLER 3] I'm getting that coworker back. [TARZ] Perhaps with communication. [JACQUES] Or a better prank. [TARZ] Jacques. [JACQUES] I'm kidding. Probably. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [sound: phone rings] [CALLER 4: Female, embarrassed] Okay... Don't laugh. [TARZ] We won't. [JACQUES] No promises. [CALLER 4] I lost my scanner. [TARZ] Where have you looked? [CALLER 4] Everywhere. [JACQUES] What are you holding? [CALLER 4] ... My scanner. [pause] [TARZ] How do you feel about that discovery? [CALLER 4] I'm hanging up. [JACQUES] Successful recovery. [sound: caller hangs up] --- [BRIDGE] [sound: warehouse radio chatter, forklift backup alarms] [TARZ] Sometimes people don't need the answer. [JACQUES] They need someone to ask the question. [TARZ] And sometimes... [JACQUES] The answer is on the screen. --- [FINAL CHORUS: ALL] Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Call us when you're unsure! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! We'll help you find the cure! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! No problem too small! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! We're listening to them all! [OUTRO] [sound: phone rings, radio static] [ANNOUNCER: Female] WFYC Radio. Warehouse Crisis Hotline. Still taking calls. [TARZ] Another caller? [JACQUES] Definitely another caller. [sound: radio static fades]

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