I was five when you walked out, left your name at the door Mama cried into the couch, said, “He don’t live here anymore.” Ten in foster homes, fists clenched, every wish a bitter joke Sixteen you returned, face blurred, a stranger in my smoke Seventeen, I joined the Navy, uniform like a leash Thought I could outrun the shame, but it never left my reach Don’t judge me by the man I was Judge me by each war I’m still fighting I’ve buried boys, I’ve broken laws But I never stopped writing I’m not begging you to forgive my sins I’m just proving I ain’t done trying Don’t judge me by the man I was Judge me by the war that keeps me rising Sand and fire, thunder screamed, metal burst beneath our wheels Brothers torn apart beside me, silence louder than the steel I woke up half a man, shattered bone, phantom pain Wrote their memory on my skin, so I’d never lose their names Came home crawling into bars, screaming into smoke Crowds of shadows, cracked-up amps, every lyric just a choke Whiskey nights and pills to burn, playing sinner on repeat Chasing ghosts that never bled, dancing with defeat Cold cuffs, concrete choir, orange ghost in a mirror pane I wrote letters I don’t send, sat with ghosts to feel the pain 2014, gates open, world acts like I’m a ghost Grabbed a guitar, dug through dirt, rebuilding a man from hurt Don’t judge me by the man I was Judge me by each war I’m still fighting I’ve swallowed bullets just because I thought endings were inviting I’m not asking for a saint’s embrace I’m just showing you I keep rising Don’t judge me by the man I was Judge me by the war that keeps me writing I know what I did I’ve held the knife, I’ve been the bleeding No man deserves excuses I’m alive — still breathing I ain’t clean I ain’t cured I ain’t holy But I’m still here And I’ll die on my feet Before I drown in that mirror
