“Don’t you ever borrow my stuff again!” The last words you spewed through our door. We stood there trying to remember What we'd ever borrowed before. Dad used your trailer a few times, Hauling slag the shop could use— Funny, even what we borrowed Was for something done for you. Then morning came, and there it sat— The evidence in full view. Dad's truck you'd kept for two long years, As though it belonged to you. The lawnmower, A-frames, tools and more It was stuffed right to the top. Full of things you borrowed from us, The cement mixer was taken to the shop— We had to laugh at the irony, But then the truth became clear. Maybe that one comical moment Was a mirror of everything here. Put it on the scales. Put all of it on there. Not just the pieces that support Your story of what happened here. If seventeen years are being weighed, All seventeen years should count. Put everything on the scales— And see how they balance out. Put the positive things I added to your lives On one side of the scale— The showing up, the helping hands, The times I listened to everything you'd tell The shops, the trips, more time with your dad, All the special occasions I didn't miss— Then place on the other side what you say I did to justify all of this. Next weigh every word you claim I said About the mother you love— The words I know I never spoke, But put them on the scale because If those are what you're judging me by, Then weigh them against the other side: Every cutting word you said about me, Criticisms and stories multiplied. Put it all on the scales. Be sure to put both sides on there. Not just the pieces that support Your story of what happened here. If words about a mother matter, Then surely those against me do too. I was somebody’s mother Each time those words reached my kids from you. Next weigh what you think we did Against what followed next— The anger, the accusations, The cruel messages and lying texts. Aaron's complaint to the County What the CC&Rs might cost — All those hurt along the way, What so many innocent children lost. I know love isn't something You purchase, it should be earned. A gift was never payment For affection in return. Grace was never something I expected generous gifts to buy. But seventeen years of evidence Should count when judging someone's life. And now there’s one last set of scales I didn't expect to see: What did this estrangement take from you, And what did it take from me? We lost people that we dearly loved, And grandchildren we miss. I’ll not erase what you meant to me There was real loss for us in this. But look what it has done to us: The life we have today. Children and grandchildren still loving us, New purposes, open days Time to serve, travel, sleep in late, More time & money, my songs Quiet nights and laughter, And a marriage weathered strong. But who will sit through all your games, Cheering loudly just for you? Who will come to school programs? The kids games and practices to? And whose tools will you borrow, When there's something you must do? Who will listen half the night About your projects when you want to boast? Who will board a plane for Oklahoma, For the moments that matter most? Maybe others will fill those places, At least for some someone will— But I wonder if you will find Some of our spaces can't be filled. You can always find another house, Any gathering place will do— But it’s harder to replace the people Who consistently showed up for you. So put it all on the scales. Be sure you put everything there. Every gift and every grievance, Every wound and every prayer. Every word and every action, Every choice made in between. If you’re going to weigh my seventeen years, Then weigh all seventeen. I don’t need the scales to tell me Who loses and who wins. And I won’t spend the life we've found Trying to argue it again. But when you examine our story, To decide what this story tells Include both the good and bad Be sure you put everything on the scales, Lay the whole truth on the balance, Every action, loss, and cost— Then look honestly at where it tips, And what each gained or lost. Don't choose only pieces that support The story you've believed— Put everything upon the scales, And be honest about what you see. I'll just let the balance speak for me.
