ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ɪᴅᴇᴀ

“You’re doing so well." Yeah I know “You seem so happy now.” ...mm That's that's where you lose me You see me good see me good-good not that barely-gettin by shit real laugh real light real moments I don't gotta lie with That's real I won't cheapen the good to make the bad hit harder than it did But see that's where you slip You take what you saw fill in what you didn't What else could you know but the part that I show? But you don't know the drop don't know how low a thought can go if I let that shit No Right There Cut it Don't let one thought get a thought get a thought nah Cut it Don't let that bitch get a runnin start Catch it mid-word mid-turn mid Nope Not goin' there Then keep it movin like my own damn head wasn't two words two away from somewhere I don't go You have no fucking idea how low I know how to go how much of gettin' better is knowin' where my mind can't go Say I seem lighter Say I'm doin' better That's fine But “you must be happy now?" Nah Don't tell me what survived on the inside Here's where the language gets twisted gets wicked I left I lived So that means it fixed it Riiiight Clean Convenient ea- easy to witness Something went wrong I got gone Now look look at the difference Except leavin' don't mean it was all a mistake Don't mean the good gets re rewritten as fake Don't mean what mattered quit matterin then Don't mean the ending gets to go back edit the rest You have no fucking idea how low I know how to go how much of gettin' better is knowin' where my mind can't go Say I seem lighter Say I'm doin' better That's fine But “you must be happy now”? Nah Don't tell me what survived on the inside And some days I am happy Fuck I am Had a whole damn stretch where the hurt went quiet Then I caught it Oh It wasn't there Not right then What the fuck do you call that Progress Prolly But gettin' better gets weird when what you fought not to live with starts gettin livable I'm better Be- bet- better Fuck And what happened fucking wrecked me Both can be true Hard to explain without sayin too much So I don't You see distance Okay You see better Be bet better There's that word again Better means painless? Gone means erased? Needin' to leave means I wanted the space? No Doesn't Then I hear “You recovered so well.” And my brain goes You have no fucking idea You have no fucking idea No idea how grief can go quiet for weeks then come back talk-talkin like it never quit No idea how somethin can hurt enough that you know you gotta leave And that don't make what came before make- make-believe No idea how leavin can be what you need and hurt so fucking bad you can't make the two agree So say what you see Please Say I seem good Say I'm doin' better Hell I might even agree But don't take what you see and tell me what it must mean Don't tell me how dark it gets from the part you've seen You have no fucking idea how low I know how to go and I'm glad you don't Say I seem lighter Say I'm doin' better So am I But “you must be happy now?" Some days I fucking am Just don't tell me what I feel from the part I let you see