I learned to take the smallest share And thank you like it filled me up Every time you turned away I searched myself for what I’d done I kept a record of my failures So I never had to count your own If the fault was always in me I could still pretend this felt like home Cause if I wasn’t hard to love Then you were choosing not to try And I could live with hating me Before I let that thought survive I made myself unworthy So I could keep you innocent If love was mine to earn Then every hurt still made some sense If I was hard to hold You never had to face the way you let me go I made myself unworthy So I didn’t have to know I called the waiting “being patient” Called the silence “giving space” Took the little that you offered Like a promise I could chase Every crumb became a reason To stay hungry at your door I kept trying to be better You kept asking me for more If I could cause the distance Then I could fix it if I changed There was comfort in believing I had power over pain I made myself unworthy So I could keep you innocent If love was mine to earn Then every hurt still made some sense If I was hard to hold You never had to face the way you let me go I made myself unworthy So I didn’t have to know But what if I was never asking For more than you could understand? What if I deserved the comfort I kept begging from your hands? Then you saw exactly what I needed And still looked the other way The truth was never that I lacked it You just chose what not to give I won’t make myself unworthy Just to keep you innocent Love was never mine to earn And pain is not evidence I wasn’t hard to hold You chose the distance, now I know I won’t make myself unworthy Just to soften what you chose I don’t need to call it fair I don’t need to call it fate I can grieve what you withheld Without carrying the blame
