SKEETER ON MY BALLS [Verse 1] Sittin’ by the fire with a cold one in my hand, Moon above the pines and my toes down in the sand. Everything was peaceful, not a worry there at all— Till I felt a little tickle from a skeeter on my balls. [Chorus] There’s a skeeter on my balls, And I smacked him without thinking. Now I’m rolling by the fire While my buddies die from laughing. Should’ve paused, should’ve checked, Should’ve thought before the fall— But instinct took the wheel With a skeeter on my balls. [Verse 2] I slapped with all the fury of a man defending land, Forgot the tender property directly underneath my hand. The skeeter flew away, but I folded like a chair, Saw the face of God and heard a banjo in the air. [Chorus] There’s a skeeter on my balls, And I smacked him without thinking. Now I’m praying to the heavens While my eyes are slowly blinking. Should’ve waved, should’ve blown, Could’ve flicked him off the wall— But I chose the hammer method For a skeeter on my balls. [Bridge — spoken] Now listen, boys… When nature gives you warning, Don’t answer with artillery. Some battles require patience. Some require precision. And some require you to stand very still And ask a trusted friend for assistance. [Verse 3] My cousin said, “Use bug spray.” My brother said, “Wear jeans.” Grandpa said, “That’s why I sleep inside behind the screens.” But wisdom always shows up when it’s twenty minutes late, And the skeeter’s somewhere laughing with his belly full of steak. [Final Chorus] There was a skeeter on my balls, And I smacked him without thinking. Now the campfire has a legend And my family won’t quit singing. Let this story be a warning To the short, the big, the tall— Never swing before you look At the skeeter on your balls. [Outro] Buzz, buzz… Slap, slap… One flew away— Two took the whack.
