Candy randy candy man Oh so sweet oh so fine He's always willing to cross the line Candy cane candy man He's coming to town So reverse that frown Hes here to start an empire And take the crown It's a quiet town and a quiet street… Guy in a duffle coat badly hiding heat… Javiers runs the till, he runs the store He knows retail prices but asks for more On his phone he looks at naked dudes getting on their freak Still this dodgy guy walks over so best let him speak Walks right over thinks he's cool Still Javier thinks he a total fool “Choc buttons, cola cubes And a lucky dip Oh and this drink I'm parched I need a sip. hold on, phone’s ringin’, excuse me, dude” Waiting for the cash javiers thinking of him nude. Diggin’ deep in his pockets turned them inside out Wrappers, old receipts, handsets — what’s this all about? Finally the guy finds his phone But then his original accents gone “Yeah dis is da Candy Man”his tone's oh so strange An Eastern European mixed with an Indian range “Five hundred — I’ll swing by later, yeah it’s all arranged” Javier rings it up what's this guy about Still at thirty with receding hair he was still checking him out Long sideburns, a goatee and bit of a gut What Javier wanted was to check out his butt “You work the gym yeah?” guy gives a nod “thats right bud got to work the bod. Still that gym really— I OWN that place, It's great I have my personal space And my staff they really keeps things tight Gives me time for my hobbies — yeah I’m livin’ just right” CANDY MAN — brand new face on the block CANDY MAN — what’s behind the talk? Gym out front, secrets underneath the lock CANDY MAN — you’re walkin’ the walk Got a name, got a plan, got a shadowy plot CANDY MAN — what have you got? Javier presses on — “Candy Man? That accent trick? You sound like two places mixed” — and he’s ready to pick Guy snorts, leans in, eyes lock, grins wide: “It’s my Dungeon Master name — people pay me to guide Games and treats, yeah I provide the ride" Accent’s just mystery — keeps the tension amplified What’d you reckon? — satisfied?” Javier’s thinkin’ — nah, I don’t buy that script But he knows pushin’ further’s where you get ripped So he backs it off — “Cool, hope your game goes strong” Gives the stuff for free — where did I go wrong? Guy beams bright — teeth showin’ too much truth Grabs a Wham bar and the paper — “Cheers, catch you, youth” Javier’s left kickin’ — broke the code, now I’m exposed Shoulda kept my mouth shut, now my nerve’s uncomposed Maybe he was just to into that dude Stuff on his mind was getting rude CANDY MAN — brand new face on the block CANDY MAN — what’s behind the talk? Gym out front, secrets underneath the lock CANDY MAN — you’re walkin’ the walk Got a name, got a plan, got a shadowy plot CANDY MAN — what have you got? Candy Man steps out — feelin’ proud, feelin’ grand Chose the alias ‘cause Randy Sprout wouldn’t command Respect or revenue — yeah a brand’s what they demand Inherited the fortune — parents gone, bizarre ski accident land London got too tight — territory war at hand Suburbia’s the fresh start — where the shadows stand Gym’s the legal front — clean cash, steady hand But the other business hummin’ — expand, expand, expand Till word drops in — someone poached from my crew Bunni — pretty thing, wears the lycra too Don’t matter if she’s new, don’t matter if she’s green Stealin’ from my stock? That can’t be seen Robert Jones — card says Director, big global name Money launderer? Competitor? Who’s playin’ the game? Turns up at his office — lobby’s sleek, refined He stands there feelin’ out of place — out of his mind Desk guy calls across: “Sir, can I help you find?” Candy Man puffs his chest — accent sharp and defined: “I’m lookin’ for Robert Jones — he stole my girl Bunni Poached her from my side — and he’ll pay, honey He’ll regret the day he crossed me — agony and money” Desk guy blinks, grins, shakes his head, sunny: “Sorry mate, headphones on — whale noises in my ear Missed the whole thing there — can you run it clear?” Candy Man’s blood boils — luck just disappeared “I SAID — Robert Jones took what I hold dear!” Desk guy’s still chill: “Oh him? He’s away from here Spa break with the wife — couple weeks, yeah Never pictured him the pampered type, I swear Shall I leave a note when he’s back in the chair?” Candy Man leans in — voice ice-cold and clear: “Tell him the Candy Man’s angry — vengeance is near Stole Bunni — and I’m comin’ for what’s mine, my dear” Bernard nods — pen in hand, sincere… [mumbled] “Candygram came… may have left Bunny… Hopes to return… another sunny day…”
