[Intro] It’s still dark. Like, not night, not morning. My room looks different when I’m leaving it. Blue suitcase. New lip gloss. Songbook. Ticket getting warm in my pocket. Okay. I’m going. [Verse 1] Curtains got that blurry blue light and the kitchen’s way too quiet Mom’s mug is upside down like even it can’t look at me I’m trying not to make noise I’m trying not to be a baby I’m eighteen, right? So why do I feel six lately? I should go to the station but I turn by the river wet grass on my socks and my chest does that thing again Like, oh. Here. This place. I lost my red rain boots here when I was little and dramatic crying so hard then laughing because I looked stupid Bare feet in the mud cold but kind of warm and someone called my name from the other side of the river I forgot that. No, I didn’t. I just pretended. [Pre-Chorus] This town smells like dirt and old rain and almost saying sorry I used to hate that. I used to say nothing happens here. But my shoes know. My knees know. My weird little heart knows. [Chorus] Mud on my shoes I’m not wiping it off Not today No, not today This stupid town this stupid sky this stupid crying in my eyes I’m not clean I’m not cool I’m not over it I’m not new Mud on my shoes I’m going like this with the river in my throat and home on my lips [Verse 2] At fifteen I said I’m leaving this place forever like forever was easy like I wasn’t scared of weather Lost a singing contest kicked the dirt like a loser white sneakers ruined and somehow that made it truer I cried behind the bank where nobody could see me except the grass and maybe God and maybe me Seventeen autumn I watched him leave first I didn’t say I liked him because obviously I’m the worst His train pulled out my reflection stayed mouth full of words I never gave away I walked home the long way mad at the lights then porch glow hit the mud and made it look nice Like, rude. Even the dirt had to be beautiful. [Pre-Chorus 2] The road remembers me being small being loud being jealous being proud The wind keeps singing in the accent I tried to hide and I hate that I love it and I love that I cried I’m not leaving to disappear. I think. I’m leaving to meet myself somewhere else. [Chorus] Mud on my shoes I’m not wiping it off Not today No, not today This stupid town this stupid sky this stupid crying in my eyes I’m not clean I’m not cool I’m not over it I’m not new Mud on my shoes I’m going like this with the river in my throat and home on my lips [Bridge] I thought growing up meant never looking back but I keep looking back like every three seconds I thought leaving meant I had to act brave but my hands are shaking and my lip gloss tastes fake Blue suitcase new songbook old ache same girl Six-year-old me with muddy feet come here we’re going Fifteen-year-old me still mad at the world come too bring the song that lost Seventeen-year-old me with the unsent love yeah, you too don’t roll your eyes We’re not embarrassing. Okay, we are. But we’re alive. [Final Chorus] Mud on my shoes I’m not wiping it off Let them stare I don’t care This little town this river smell this almost-goodbye I know too well I’m not clean I’m not cool I’m not over it I’m not new Mud on my shoes I’m going like this with the dawn in my chest and home on my lips Mud on my shoes I’m going like this with the girl I was and the girl I miss [Outro] The bell rings. The river wind gets mixed in. Ticket in my pocket, warm again. Train doors closing. Grass going blurry. Don’t cry. Okay, cry. A little mud falls from the tip of my shoe. Mom— I’m taking the dirt with me. I’m going.
