[Intro – Spoken, over soft piano and vinyl crackle] I wondered what it would be like? Not in a dream way. Not in a wishing way. In the way that keeps you up at 3am Staring at the ceiling Asking a question nobody can answer. [Verse 1] I wondered what it would be like If the woman who gave me life had never picked up the knife If the bath had stayed empty, if the salt stayed in the jar If the boy in that house had never learned to guard His heart before his speech, his back before the door Would i be softer? Would he be kind? Would i still flinch at footsteps in his mind? Would i sleep through the night without checking the lock? trust a hand on his shoulder without bracing for the shock? I don't know, and I'll never know But I still wonder when the winter's slow [Chorus – Warm, aching, anthemic] Ever wondered what it would be like To walk through this life without the fight Ever wondered who you'd be today If the road had turned a different way Ever wondered, ever wondered, ever wondered I have. [Verse 2] Wondered what it would be like If my dad had stayed, if he'd held on tight If he hadn't walked out and left me the dog If I'd had a father instead of a fog Of questions I couldn't ask and answers I never got If I'd learned to shave from him instead of from a thought Would I have known how to be a dad myself? Would I have needed to build it from nothing, from dust, from stealth? Or would it have come natural, easy, like breath? Would I have passed down love instead of passing down death? I'll never know. I'll never know. But I still wonder when my kids watch me go. [Chorus – Warm, aching, anthemic] Ever wondered what it would be like To walk through this life without the fight Ever wondered who you'd be today If the road had turned a different way Ever wondered, ever wondered, ever wondered I have. [Bridge – Stripped back, spoken, raw] I wondered what it would be like If Carl was still here? Not in a memory way. In a "he's sitting on the sofa and I'm passing him the controller" way. In a "he met my kids" way. He got old and fat and moaned about his knees" way. What he'd look like now. What he'd think of who I became. If he'd still laugh at the same jokes. Still call me by the old name. And I wonder if he never drank the methadone If I'd have known That a week later I'd be turning his face off a pillow Looking at the colour blue. [Verse 3] Have you ever wondered what it would be like To be at peace with your own life Wake up braced, to not flinch at a name Hear the door open and not assume it's the blame Sit with your children and just be there Not drifting, not counting, not filing a prayer That they never inherit the things that you learned That they never get burned by the bridges you burned I used to think peace was a place you arrive A door that opens, a point in time But I've learned it's a practice, a daily choice A muscle you build with a quiet voice [Verse 4] Have you ever wondered what it would be like To not have to wonder anymore? To look at the wreck and the scars and the war And say "that was mine, and I'm still on the floor But I'm getting up, and I'm taking the day And the wondering stays, but it stays out the way" 'Cos the life I got given ain't the life I chose But it's the life I got, so I suppose The wondering's fine, the wondering's fair As long as it don't stop you going somewhere [Chorus – Warm, layered, resolved] Ever wondered what it would be like To walk through this life without the fight Ever wondered who you'd be today If the road had turned a different way Ever wondered, ever wondered, ever wondered I have. And I'll keep wondering. And I'll keep walking anyway. [Outro – Spoken, over fading piano] Have you ever wondered what it would be like? I have. Every day. But here's the thing I learned. The wondering used to be a cage. Now it's just a window. I look through it. I see the other life. Then I turn around. And I come back to mine. And I get on with it. And I'm still here.
