[Opening – Townswomen gossiping like a Greek chorus] ENSEMBLE (whispered, dramatic): Did you hear about Miss Mary? Did you hear what she said? She declared she’d marry Lincoln— and the poor boy turned red! She said: “He’s tall, he’s brilliant, and a little underfed— but give me time and dinner plates, I’ll fix that once we wed!” (Laughter) Verse 1 – MARY (entering confidently, parasol twirling) MARY: Now Abraham’s a thinker with a mind as sharp as steel— He’ll ramble on for hours ’bout what justice ought to feel. But ask him ’bout his laundry? He’ll look at you confused— and if I don’t correct his tie he’ll walk out half-unbuttoned, bruised! Verse 2 – LINCOLN (embarrassed, earnest) LINCOLN: Now Mary’s got opinions like a general in a dress— She’ll reorganize a household till there’s nothing left to guess. She’s smarter than a schoolroom, she’s quicker than a whip— and every time I speak my mind she’s already read the script! First Chorus – MARY & LINCOLN (fun, overlapping) MARY: Oh Abe, you need direction— LINCOLN: I admit I might need some— MARY: You require supervision! LINCOLN: (aside) She’s… not wrong, I suppose. BOTH: We’re a curious equation, but my heavens, what a pair! He brings the lofty idealism— She brings the fire and the flair! ENSEMBLE (chirping): He’s whipped! He’s whipped! By a woman of stature! Whipped, oh whipped! And he never stood a chance! Verse 3 – MARY (leaning into him with sass) MARY: Now I don’t mean to brag, but I am blessed with common sense— The kind that keeps a husband fed and out of self-made consequence. Abe thinks the world needs saving— and perhaps he may be right— but he also needs a suit that fits and socks that match at night! Verse 4 – LINCOLN (surrendering with humor) LINCOLN: They say behind a mighty man there’s someone fierce and wise— Well Mary stands in front of me correcting half my lies. She tempers all my speeches, she critiques my every pose— and gently tells me when my hair is sticking straight above my nose. Second Chorus – BOTH + Ensemble BOTH: We argue like a hailstorm, we reconcile like spring— She claims she shapes the household, I claim I do… something. ENSEMBLE (laughing): But look at how she glows there and look at how he stares— If destiny is calling them she’s halfway down the stairs! BOTH: Two hearts, one wild adventure in a house not built for calm— If love is fire and order— she’s the fire, I’m the psalm. ENSEMBLE (shouting): He’s whipped! He’s whipped! By a woman of stature! Whipped, oh whipped! But in fairness… she's a catch! Bridge – Mary’s faux-dramatic confession MARY (mock serious): I’ll train him like a puppy till his suits are neatly hung— LINCOLN: Mary— MARY: And remind him he’s a genius even when his socks are wrong. LINCOLN (laughs): Mary— MARY: I’ll edit all his speeches— LINCOLN: She already does. MARY (proud): And teach him grace and posture— LINCOLN: And I’ll… try not to cause a fuss. Final Chorus – Full company BOTH: Oh love’s a strange equation but somehow makes us whole— She steadies all my chaos— He gives purpose to my soul. ENSEMBLE: So cheers to this odd pairing— may the good Lord send them grace! She’ll run the home through intellect— He’ll win the human race! BOTH: If partnership is destiny then let the truth be said: She may not run the country— but she’ll run our house instead! ENSEMBLE (huge finale): He’s whipped! So whipped! By a woman of stature! Whipped, oh whipped! And it suits them TO A T!
