Black along the periphery. Black along the periphery Cold sweat soaking through the sleeves Laughter spills across the table Something sick begins to creep Old shame burns behind the eyelids Thoughts collide and multiply Miss a word, recover quickly Smile before the moment dies Numb fingers, rigid shoulders Conversation running thin Answer smoothly. Swallow panic. Feel the darkness settling in Aching for a little company Terrified of being seen Too far in, the black runs deep Heavy limbs and broken sleep A familiar kind of misery Buried past the point of reach Hours slip beneath the noise Words come out in someone else's voice An empty ache behind the ribs Too far in, too far in Come close Not yet. Too far to call for help Too afraid to be myself Conscious through another stretch Nerves worn thin by repetition Sleep comes broken, short of rest Dulled by constant friction Thoughts scatter mid-connection Double back Miss the thread Briefly certain of direction Gone before the thought is said Seconds stretch beyond endurance Mind suspended somewhere dim Wide awake through the duration Sinking further in Somewhere near, a familiar heartbeat Close enough to make me freeze Too far in, the black runs deep Heavy limbs and broken sleep A familiar kind of misery Buried past the point of reach Hours slip beneath the noise Words come out in someone else's voice An empty ache behind the ribs Too far in, too far in Come close Not yet. Too far to call for help Too afraid to be myself A week goes missing in plain sight Routine intact, the mind untied Something vicious in the quiet Grinding through another night There's comfort in a voice nearby But every word gets stuck inside The urge to speak, the urge to hide Both pulling hard from either side Please I CAN'T DO THIS! (But I need you here.) I CAN'T GET THROUGH IT! (I'm scared you'll disappear.) IT'S TOO MUCH! I CAN'T SPEAK! (Just sit with me.) I CAN'T I CAN'T Too far in, the black runs deep Heavy limbs and broken sleep A familiar kind of misery Buried past the point of reach Hours slip beneath the noise Words come out in someone else's voice An empty ache behind the ribs Too far in, too far in A voice cuts through the heavy dread Its warmth unbearable to take One word keeps ringing in my head Stay. Even if I shake. Black along the periphery.
