///*****/// [Verse 1] You had a little system, clean and quick and bright, Buttons where they mattered, every shortcut sitting right, Then the priests of progress came to “save” us with a grin, And painted every hallway while the roof was caving in. They said, “We made it simple,” then they hid the useful parts, Now the basics need a map and three instructional charts, They tore out half the menu, said the future must be lean, Now the workflow’s on a stretcher, but the icons look serene. [Pre-Chorus] Oh, bravo for the makeover, the elegant collapse, A swan dive off a stepladder applauded by the apps, You call it innovation, I call it office mime, Putting lipstick on a bug report and shipping it on time. [Chorus] What an improvement, wow, take a bow, You broke what worked, but it’s prettier now, A triumph of the useless, a masterclass in spin, You kicked the users out, then said, “Please do come in.” What an improvement, cheers, encore, The feature died, but look, there’s rounded corners more, You cut the legs off common sense, then sold me brand-new shoes, What an improvement, babe, I’m thrilled to lose. [Verse 2] You moved the tabs to nowhere, hid the settings in a maze, Turned a two-click little task into seven fevered phases, You promised, “It’s returning,” with a well-rehearsed delight, But the roadmap took a holiday and vanished in the night. You merged the desktop, tablet, phone, the TV and the watch, One holy interface to fail in every single spot, A thumb may like a giant tile, a mouse may like control, But why respect reality when branding is the goal? [Pre-Chorus] So here’s another keynote with a vacuum-sealed smile, Where subtraction is a virtue and confusion is a style, A funeral in pastel tones, a minimalist parade, A eulogy for functions that were quietly unmade. [Chorus] What an improvement, wow, take a bow, You broke what worked, but it’s prettier now, A triumph of the useless, a masterclass in spin, You kicked the users out, then said, “Please do come in.” What an improvement, cheers, encore, The feature died, but look, there’s rounded corners more, You cut the legs off common sense, then sold me brand-new shoes, What an improvement, babe, I’m thrilled to lose. [Verse 3] My monitor is forty inches, someone’s phone is small, Grandma needs a simple screen, I need keys that do it all, But you made one sacred layout for the couch and cubicle, Now everything is modern, and everything is dull. The text is either ant-sized or absurdly overgrown, The touch targets scream “daycare,” all the spacing says “unknown,” A smart TV wants distance, a workstation wants control, But your universal answer is a giant empty scroll. [Bridge] Let me guess, next quarter there’ll be one more brave refresh, With icons slightly softer and old complaints repackaged fresh, You’ll kill another cornerstone and tell us it’s for good, Like arsonists toasting marshmallows where the library once stood. And when we beg for basics, you’ll say, “We hear your pain,” Then pin a smiling survey on the wreckage in the rain, A premium subscription for the things we had for free, How very sleek and thoughtful, How evolved to ransom me. [Breakdown] Raise a glass to progress, To the downgrade in couture, To the cult of reinvention And the sickness with no cure, To the meetings full of buzzwords, To the mockups full of air, To the sacred art of breaking things Then acting unaware. [Final Chorus] What an improvement, wow, take a bow, You broke what worked, but it’s prettier now, A triumph of the useless, a masterclass in spin, You kicked the users out, then said, “Please do come in.” What an improvement, cheers, encore, The feature died, but look, there’s rounded corners more, You cut the legs off common sense, then sold me brand-new shoes, What an improvement, babe, I’m thrilled to lose. [Outro] So ship another update, let the old familiar die, Wrap the pain in glossy gradients, sell the ashes sky-high, If this is your advancement, then I’ve seen enough to choose: Keep your grand improvement, love, I preferred the tools.
