Gary

[Intro: boogie riff, spoken male like a voicemail] Hey, it's Gary Got your messages Crazy week Two weeks, tops [Verse 1] In March they hauled my kitchen to a dumpster on the lawn Gary shook my hand and said, six weeks and then I'm gone So I paid him half up front, he tore the floor down to the boards Then he waved out of his pickup, and that's the last I saw him, Lord Now it's mid October and a blue tarp's flapping where there used to be a wall I wash dishes in the bathtub, and there's a hot plate in the hall [Pre-Chorus] Every time I call him, every time I text He says, I'm so sorry, it's been crazy, you're up next (You're up next) [Chorus: gang answers, cowbell] Gary (Gary), where the hell you at Two weeks (two weeks), honey, I've heard that Seven months of cereal and a hole where the sink should be Gary (Gary), two weeks from when Two weeks, two weeks, and two weeks again Gary (Gary), where the hell you at [Verse 2] First the tile's on backorder on a ship from Portugal Then his cousin's getting married, then the truck won't start at all Then the permit, then the city, then his back went out in May Then his boat sprang a leak, then Mercury went retrograde Now the neighbors bring me casseroles like somebody passed away And my sister asks if Gary's even real, I say, two weeks, okay [Pre-Chorus] Every time I call him, every time I text He says, I'm so sorry, it's been crazy, you're up next (You're up next) [Chorus: gang answers, cowbell] Gary (Gary), where the hell you at Two weeks (two weeks), honey, I've heard that Seven months of cereal and a hole where the sink should be Gary (Gary), two weeks from when Two weeks, two weeks, and two weeks again Gary (Gary), where the hell you at [Breakdown: drums stop, riff alone, spoken male like a voicemail] Hey, it's Gary The tile guy's guy is out And his guy's got a guy Two weeks [Guitar Solo: fiery, eight bars] [Verse 3] So I rented me a wet saw and I brought a bad attitude And Bev down at the tile store said, honey, I'll walk you through Laid the floor on both my knees with grout up to my elbows Set the sink, I hung the cabinets, turned the faucet, and it flows In November I cooked turkey in an oven I put in Sat down at my own table with a fork and a grin [Bridge: stop time hits] Then the doorbell (Ding dong) It's Gary with a toolbox and a tan Says, I'm free on Monday, I can fit you in, I'm your man And I smiled real sweet And I said, Gary (Gary) I'll call you in two weeks [Final Chorus: gang answers, cowbell, full band] Gary (Gary), where the hell you at Two weeks (two weeks), how you like that Seven months of cereal, and I built it all myself Gary (Gary), two weeks from when Two weeks, two weeks, and two weeks again Gary (Gary), I'll call you back [Outro: bare riff, spoken female] Hey, Gary It's me Crazy week Two weeks, tops