[Verse 1] I don't even try to be happy anymore That question waits behind the front door "Are you okay?" like a password I forgot I say, "I'm fine," and let the silence talk My mother calls, I answer with one word My father asks, I make it sound absurd Then shut my door and pull the curtains wide Leave half my life folded on the other side [Pre-Chorus] I've been counting every hour in my head Calling it processing instead I watch the ceiling make a map of where I've been And keep the smallest answer underneath my skin (underneath) [Chorus] I don't want to fake it (fake it) I don't want to smile I don't want your fixing Not tonight, not now If I look distant, let me If I go quiet, fine I'm not disappearing I'm just taking back my mind (my mind) [Verse 2] I used to leave the house without a plan Now moving from the bed feels like a demand My shoes are by the hallway, collecting dust The sun comes in; I turn away because I must I lose a conversation halfway through Build whole years from something you once said you'd do I see the ending before the scene begins Then call that clarity and fold it in (fold it in) [Pre-Chorus] I've been looking too far into the years Making futures out of all my fears But through the blur, one thing is coming clear I can mourn what wasn't given without keeping it here (without keeping it) [Chorus] I don't want to fake it (fake it) I don't want to smile I don't want your fixing Not tonight, not now If I look distant, let me If I go quiet, fine I'm not disappearing I'm just taking back my mind (my mind) [Bridge] I know love can leave a room before it leaves a name I know being honest can still sound like blame I was a child at the edge of every table Learning how to need less than I was able So if you ask me, I might tell you the truth I am not okay, but I am not through (not through) [Final Chorus] I don't want to fake it (fake it) I don't want to smile I don't need your fixing I can stay here for a while If I look distant, let me If I go quiet, fine I'm not disappearing I'm deciding what is mine (what is mine) [Outro] I see it clear Not the whole future Just the next step And it's mine
