[Intro - distant choir swell, pipe organ, reverent spoken] (Choir: Aaaaah...) Behold... the chosen one... He has... turned on the light. [Verse 1 - operatic, grave] He does not lift a finger, he does not raise a blade, he simply starts to GLOW like a holy little lampshade, the demons gather 'round him, drawn into the gleam— and then they start to SIZZLE like bacon in a dream! [Pre-Chorus - building, choir joins] For lo, he is RADIANT, anointed and bright, a man-shaped reactor in a tabard of white— [Chorus - HUGE choir, bombastic] HEAVENLY RADIATION! (Gloria!) He melts them with his GLOW! (Gloria!) He stands completely still and the entire room says "NO!" A holy little nightlight with the wattage of a god— Behold! BEHOLD! ...he turned the brightness up. (Hallelujah!) [Verse 2 - grave] He does not understand it, he just bathes them in the rays, the Helltide gets a sunburn and the imps are in a daze, they cannot file a grievance, there's no OSHA down in hell— for the Paladin is tanning them, and tanning them too WELL! [Pre-Chorus] For lo, he is LUMINOUS, a furnace, a flame, a sacred space heater, and he don't even aim— [Chorus - HUGE] HEAVENLY RADIATION! (Gloria!) He melts them with his GLOW! (Gloria!) He stands completely still and the entire room says "NO!" A holy little nightlight with the wattage of a god— Behold! BEHOLD! ...he turned the brightness up. (Hallelujah!) [Bridge - half-time, grand, the wife] And at his radiant side, behold his glowing bride— some days she's the APOCALYPSE, the fire far and wide, some days she's the LUNATIC, she detonates with glee— [Female - soaring] "I switch between the two of them, it keeps the demons guessing—" [Male - grand] And TOGETHER they are luminous, a double holy blessing! (Choir: GLORIAAAA!) [Breakdown - choir only, ascending] (Aaah— aaah— RADIATION! — aaah—) He's basically a microwave... a beautiful, anointed microwave... [Final Chorus - biggest, key up] HEAVENLY RADIATION! (Gloria!) The brightest man alive! (Gloria!) He never has to move and the demons cannot survive! A holy little nightlight that the heavens have endorsed— Behold! BEHOLD! ...he simply left it ON. (Hallelujah!) [Outro - reverent, fading choir] (Choir: Aaaaah...) He stood there. He glowed. The demons... were not okay. ...Amen. [End]
