I Run This House

“I Run This House” From the perspective of a four-month-old tiny dictator Verse 1 I came in small, wrapped up real cute, Now I run the whole damn schedule in my little footie suit. Mom had plans, Dad had dreams, Now they whisper “romance” like it’s classified in teams. You used to stay out late, now you’re scared to make a sound, ’Cause if one floorboard creaks, I’m awake and throwing down. You thought love was candles, wine, and slow songs in the dark, Now it’s burp cloths, spit-up, and resentment after dark. Pre-Chorus I hear you say, “Maybe tonight…” Then I cough once and ruin your life. I don’t sleep, I don’t care, I got one sock on and authority in the air. Chorus ’Cause I run this house, I run this bed, I’m the tiny little queen living rent-free in your head. No sleep, no sex, no peace, no fun, You had a whole relationship — now you’ve got one. I scream at 3, I smile at 4, Then act like I don’t know what you’re mad about anymore. Yeah, I’m chaos in a onesie, but here’s the twist: I’m so damn cute, you can’t stay pissed. Verse 2 Dad’s on the couch like a broken man, Mom’s got dry shampoo and a bottle in her hand. You both look tired, you both look rough, But let’s be honest — you knew love was tough. Date night? Canceled. Shower? Maybe. Your whole personality is “Have you fed the baby?” You argue over diapers, bottles, whose turn it is, Meanwhile I’m over here drooling like a business wiz. I don’t pay bills, I don’t have a job, But I got grown adults crying into the laundry mob. You wanna reconnect? That’s sweet, that’s cute, But I just filled my diaper like a parachute. Pre-Chorus You lock eyes across the room, Thinking maybe there’s a spark real soon. Then I grunt, then I cry, Then romance packs its bags and says goodbye. Chorus ’Cause I run this house, I run this bed, I’m the tiny little queen living rent-free in your head. No sleep, no sex, no peace, no fun, You had a whole relationship — now you’ve got one. I scream at 3, I smile at 4, Then act like I don’t know what you’re mad about anymore. Yeah, I’m chaos in a onesie, but here’s the twist: I’m so damn cute, you can’t stay pissed. Bridge I know I’ve strained the vibe a bit, Turned your love life into a survival skit. You’re short on sleep, you’re low on grace, You’ve both aged ten years in the face. But when I laugh, you lose your mind, Like I’m the greatest thing mankind could find. I wreck your nights, I steal your day, Then give one gummy smile and get my way. Final Chorus ’Cause I run this house, I run this bed, I’m the tiny little boss with a wobbly head. No sleep, no sex, no private space, Just my little feet kicked up in your face. You’re tired, you’re tense, you’re barely alive, But somehow my cuteness keeps this whole thing revived. Yeah, I’m loud, I’m needy, I’m dramatic as hell, But I’m your perfect little nightmare — and I know it damn well. Outro So kiss goodbye to plans and sleep, I own your souls and your laundry heap. I’m four months old, I can’t even sit, But I run this house… And I’m proud of it.