This is a story about a cool criminal, // the kind that worked all day, some hustle on the side, nothing radical. // He met this bitch one Friday, // she was different, original, // sexy as fuck in a way — // I ain’t gonna get technical,/// He became her prey, she was fucking mental, // To his Johnson she was fucking magical, // but you know what they say: love conquers all — // too bad her crazy shit was fucking BIBLICAL . /// (Hook) He was a cool, cool criminal, // he wasn’t no angel, // but the bitch, the bitch — // was fucking mental. /// ⸻ Back to the story, he was trapped, no escape, // She got pregnant, he had no choice, no debate, // too late, // She was skinny, pale, dressed in black, // Hot ,but friendly like a fucking heart attack. /// "She's From a small fishing town, he had to meet the family, // he couldn’t turn around". They went, and what happened next blew his mind: // her father, a stubborn motherfucker , // A one of a kind . /// The old man wanted to show his collection, // he had coins, he's only addiction. // He took out a coin and reached out his hand — // the guy grabbed it, but that wasn’t the old man’s plan. /// “NO!” he screamed, the sound spooked the guy, // I guess he was high. // He lost the coin and picked it up again, // the old guy screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK are you INSANE,?” /// The guy got spooked again and did the same,, then dragged the coin on the tile, // leaving marks all the while. // The old guy went wild, // The coin was priceless, And with salty fingers ,clumsy making Scratches, the coin wasn’t worthless, // but worth way less. /// He called him Fucking hopeless, The guy took a deep breath. "The criminal wanted to punch him bad, // but the motherfucker was the crazy bitch's dad ." Things calmed down and they went to bed, // he woke up with the whole family around his head. /// They claimed he had stolen part of the collection, // now they wanted his fucking confession. /// His crazy bitch screamed, “Where is the fucking money?” // The guy said, “What the fuck, honey?” // They were more than sceptical. // The old guy screamed, “Sonny! YOU’RE A FUCKING CRIMINAL.” /// (Hook) He was a cool, cool criminal, // he wasn’t no angel, // but this fucking family — // was fucking mental. /// ⸻ They didn’t believe a word he said, // his bitch didn’t back him, // screaming!, “You’re on drugs and a criminal" instead!/// They told him, “Pull it up or you will pay. // If it’s not on the table by the end of the day, // we’ll call the cops, so repent or pray.” /// The criminal had enough. // “I didn’t do this, no way.” // But they were unified, // he had a guilty sway. /// He said, “You’ve lost your minds.” // But he was crucified, // went there to be Certified , // instead he was blamed, and branded ,not Qualified. /// Still, the crazy bitch wanted to be his bride. // They packed up, sat in the car, // didn’t take long, didn’t get far. // She turned and asked where the fucking coins are/// He said: “Fuck you.” // She punched ,left a scar. /// Back home, they called at night, // wondered if the criminal would do what’s right. // He said, “Fuck you,” went to bed, shut the light. /// Two days later, they got a call // all was good, they had the collection, // they had it all. /// The stubborn motherfucker might’ve been drunk, // he’d hidden the shit in a trunk. // No sorry, to hope for one was in wain, Three weeks later, they were back again,/// The criminal hoped for a better beginning, // but even if nothing was missing, // They called him a criminal — no winning, guilty without sinning,/// They were gonna watch him, // in case he had no moral. // Things were almost back to normal, // well, more abnormal. /// The old guy had a motorbike, // “Let’s go ride,” // the criminal wanted to hide. /// They drove two hours, then stopped to rest. // Suddenly the old man glitched, distressed: // “Why are we here? How did we get here?” // Pointed at the bike, lost his mind. /// The criminal said, “That’s your ride.” // But the old man’s memory had already died. // When they came back, he told the bitch,// “Your daddy had a mental glitch .” /// She told her mother, // Then the mom spat: // “Liar! Motherfucker!” // Nothing wrong with her father,/// The criminal kept his mouth shut — why bother? // Three weeks later, they found him in pajamas, // walking the streets at Christmas, Lost and confused, that’s life’s blues. /// But back to our guy, the original, // after all, to family that’s mental, // he was still nothing but a motherfucking criminal. /// (Hook — outro) He was a cool, cool criminal, // he wasn’t no angel, // but this fucking family — // was fucking mental. ///
