The pains of Korg the Smasher, genius barbarian (Cover)

Palademon

Otto von Regental

Palademon

folk, medieval

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[Intro]
(Sound of a chair scraping, a deep, weary sigh, then a funky, rhythmic lute pluck begins)
(Spoken in a gravelly voice):
"They call me 'The Smasher.' If only they knew what I was actually smashing... usually, it's just my own patience."
[Verse 1]
Sir Alistair stands with his shield polished bright
Proposing a charge in the middle of night.
He calls it 'The Valor,' I call it 'A Mess,'
His strategy lacks any hint of finesse.
I want to explain the logistics of flanks,
Of terrain and supply lines and thinning the ranks.
But I just grunt 'BLOOD!' and I sharpen my axe,
While weeping inside at his logical gaps.
[Chorus]
Oh, it’s a sensible barbarian’s pain,
To hide all this logic and stifle my brain!
The world wants a monster, a hull of a man,
When I’m really the only one here with a plan.
I’ll roar for the crowd while I’m dying inside,
With a lexicon hidden and nowhere to hide.
Yes, Korg is a smasher, or so they all say—
But God, I just want to read Plato today!
[Verse 2]
The Wizard is brewing a 'Potion of Might,'
But he’s mixed up the hemlock and nightshade tonight.
The catalyst’s wrong and the heat is too high,
If he drinks that concoction, he’ll certainly die.
I want to suggest a more stable compound,
Where alchemic balance is properly found.
But I just knock the cauldron and let out a 'DUH!'
To save his damn life with a 'Ugh' and a 'Pah!'
[Verse 3]
Then there is the Bard with her 'Ballad of Lust,'
Her metaphors crumble to ashes and dust.
She rhymes 'Heart' with 'Dart' for the tenth time this week,
And her spelling of 'Amore' is frankly unique.
I’d offer a critique on her meter and flow,
And tell her that 'Love' isn't just... what she knows.
But she’d think I’m a brute if I spoke of the soul,
So I just drink my ale and I play out the role.
[Bridge]
(Music slows down, becomes more soulful and bluesy)
I’d trade this whole tavern for one quiet glass,
Of a vintage Bordeaux, watching seasons just pass.
Instead of a brawl, just a quiet debate,
On the nature of virtue and shadows of fate.
But the Paladin’s shouting, he’s starting a fight,
I guess I’ll go break some more tables tonight.
[Verse 4]
The cider is sour, the tankard is cold,
I’m tired of acting like I’m 'Brutal and Bold.'
A glass of fine wine and a leather-bound book,
Is all that I crave, despite how I look.
But I’ll quaff back the dregs and I’ll let out a cheer,
And pretend that I love all this lukewarm beer.
[Chorus]
Oh, it’s a sensible barbarian’s pain,
To hide all this logic and stifle my brain!
The world wants a monster, a hull of a man,
When I’m really the only one here with a plan.
I’ll roar for the crowd while I’m dying inside,
With a lexicon hidden and nowhere to hide.
Yes, Korg is a smasher, or so they all say—
But God, I just want to read Plato today!
[Outro]
(The funk beat hits its peak, then stops suddenly with a loud thud)
(Spoken):
"What? Why are you looking at me? I mean... RAARGH! SMASH! ...Is that a comma splice in your manifesto, Sir Knight? Never mind. UGH."
(Final funky lute chord)

3022/7500

[Intro] (Sound of a chair scraping, a deep, weary sigh, then a funky, rhythmic lute pluck begins) (Spoken in a gravelly voice): "They call me 'The Smasher.' If only they knew what I was actually smashing... usually, it's just my own patience." [Verse 1] Sir Alistair stands with his shield polished bright Proposing a charge in the middle of night. He calls it 'The Valor,' I call it 'A Mess,' His strategy lacks any hint of finesse. I want to explain the logistics of flanks, Of terrain and supply lines and thinning the ranks. But I just grunt 'BLOOD!' and I sharpen my axe, While weeping inside at his logical gaps. [Chorus] Oh, it’s a sensible barbarian’s pain, To hide all this logic and stifle my brain! The world wants a monster, a hull of a man, When I’m really the only one here with a plan. I’ll roar for the crowd while I’m dying inside, With a lexicon hidden and nowhere to hide. Yes, Korg is a smasher, or so they all say— But God, I just want to read Plato today! [Verse 2] The Wizard is brewing a 'Potion of Might,' But he’s mixed up the hemlock and nightshade tonight. The catalyst’s wrong and the heat is too high, If he drinks that concoction, he’ll certainly die. I want to suggest a more stable compound, Where alchemic balance is properly found. But I just knock the cauldron and let out a 'DUH!' To save his damn life with a 'Ugh' and a 'Pah!' [Verse 3] Then there is the Bard with her 'Ballad of Lust,' Her metaphors crumble to ashes and dust. She rhymes 'Heart' with 'Dart' for the tenth time this week, And her spelling of 'Amore' is frankly unique. I’d offer a critique on her meter and flow, And tell her that 'Love' isn't just... what she knows. But she’d think I’m a brute if I spoke of the soul, So I just drink my ale and I play out the role. [Bridge] (Music slows down, becomes more soulful and bluesy) I’d trade this whole tavern for one quiet glass, Of a vintage Bordeaux, watching seasons just pass. Instead of a brawl, just a quiet debate, On the nature of virtue and shadows of fate. But the Paladin’s shouting, he’s starting a fight, I guess I’ll go break some more tables tonight. [Verse 4] The cider is sour, the tankard is cold, I’m tired of acting like I’m 'Brutal and Bold.' A glass of fine wine and a leather-bound book, Is all that I crave, despite how I look. But I’ll quaff back the dregs and I’ll let out a cheer, And pretend that I love all this lukewarm beer. [Chorus] Oh, it’s a sensible barbarian’s pain, To hide all this logic and stifle my brain! The world wants a monster, a hull of a man, When I’m really the only one here with a plan. I’ll roar for the crowd while I’m dying inside, With a lexicon hidden and nowhere to hide. Yes, Korg is a smasher, or so they all say— But God, I just want to read Plato today! [Outro] (The funk beat hits its peak, then stops suddenly with a loud thud) (Spoken): "What? Why are you looking at me? I mean... RAARGH! SMASH! ...Is that a comma splice in your manifesto, Sir Knight? Never mind. UGH." (Final funky lute chord)

0/500