Well, I went down to the Tail End With a pain I couldn't hide The sign said Artie Payne, Proprietor And the pain was already inside I told the clerk I had a pain He said, "Artie Payne is in" I said, "I had him when I got here" He said, "Buddy, that’s a sin" I asked him for a doctor He said, "Doctor Hertz next door" I said, "I know it hurts already That’s what I came here for" He said, "Hertz takes appointments But he's booked solid through spring" I said, "Tell him it's an emergency I can feel the whole dang thing" The landlord’s I.B. Sore He’s owned the place for years I told him my predicament And he moved me close to tears Oh, I’m Sore, I’m in Payne And it Hertz when I complain I got Twinge at the counter Phil Skripps in the back If the Tail End takes a tenant Then I don’t know who to trust I’m just a victim of a lease And a pain in the butt The nurse is Iva Twinge And she assists with every case I said, "Ma’am, there’s too many people In such a private place" She said, "Take a number" And Phil can fill your scripts I said, "That’s a lotta tenants For a room that’s built for one" Sore owns the building Payne runs the floor Hertz wrote a prescription Twinge opened the door Skripps filled the order Sy Attica signed the lease Now I’m standin' in the lobby Lookin' for some peace His name is Sy Attica He came in with a grin Said, "I start at the Tail End Then I travel down the shin" He said, "I’m on the waiting list And I’m moving in for good" I’m sub-letting my keister To the whole darn neighborhood I’m Sore, I’m in Payne And it Hertz when I complain I got Twinge at the counter Phil Skripps in the back Now I’m walking home sideways With professional mistrust And a formal legal notice For the pain in my butt The Tail End closes at five I got there at four-fifty-nine [Words, Production, and Direction by Noizgenie.] [Cover Art Direction by Noizgenie. © 2026 Noizgenie.]
