# Join the Gay Army **[Verse 1]** Attention, everybody, gather round, There's a brand-new army in town. No tanks, no guns, no marching feet— Just fabulous uniforms and a decent beat. We've got paperwork, we've got drills, We've got very strong opinions on interior design skills. Your commanding officer says, “Fall in line!” Then spends twenty minutes choosing which scarf looks fine. **[Chorus]** JOIN THE GAY ARMY! Enlist today! We've got matching jackets And a fabulous parade! JOIN THE GAY ARMY! Come serve with pride! We've got glitter on the left And glitter on the right! No battles, no fighting, Just serving looks instead. The only thing we're conquering Is this dance floor ahead! **[Verse 2]** Boot camp starts at half past ten, But nobody's there until half past twelve. The sergeant screams, “Drop and give me ten!” We do ten outfit changes instead. Our strategic operations Are extremely classified. Apparently we're planning A very tasteful brunch outside. **[Bridge]** What's our mission? LOOK GOOD! What's our weapon? CONFIDENCE! What's our formation? A LINE FOR THE BATHROOM! What's our battle cry? **“WHO TOOK MY EYELINER?”** **[Final Chorus]** JOIN THE GAY ARMY! Come take your place! Put a little pride On your resting face! JOIN THE GAY ARMY! Recruitment's free! There's a mandatory uniform And it's fabulous, obviously! We'll march through the city With absolutely no plan, Holding tiny rainbow flags And snacks for the whole band! **[Outro]** Recruitment officer: “Are you ready to serve?” Recruit: “What's the commitment?” Officer: “Every second Saturday.” Recruit: “Do you have dental?” Officer: “...We have glitter.” Recruit: “I'm in.”
