_________ ＬＥＧＥＮＤＳ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＢＥＡＲ ＬＰ A stubborn bear spends a lifetime wrestling with doubt, survival, grief, and the uncomfortable freedom of being alive. Some call it philosophy. Others call it Tuesday. Episode 8 — Salvation One ugly night reveals an uncomfortable truth: sometimes staying alive is already a win. _________ 𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑎𝑦 𝑖𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑢𝑝 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛’𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛’𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑦 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝐼 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤 The breakup wasn’t the explosion It was the match that lit it The grief started earlier The moving, the funeral Resetting my place But never resetting myself I thought a new skyline would fix me Thought sun could bleach out whatever had my name on it It didn’t I was performing “best life” like it was a role Smiling, styling, drinking thinking I was whole Inside I was tight as a trigger That’s the part I don’t like admitting I wasn’t just sad I was carrying gasoline I kept my distance and called it growth but it was just fear of needing anyone When she said she loved me and was broken I heard salvation 𝑆𝑎𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟 When she turned cruel it confirmed what I already believed that I was too much, or not enough or both at the same time But the truth is it had been building long before her I was carrying grief I never processed Anger I never named or confessed Fear I buried deep in my chest That night in the bathroom, it wasn’t courage It wasn’t weakness either It was everything hitting at once My nervous system blew a fuse I remember the humiliation more than the despair The snot The shaking The look in my friends’ eyes I thought I was the only one losing it I didn’t realize they were terrified too That’s the part that still humbles me Someone flew across countries just to sit with me And I was too lost in shame to see that as love When they put me under observation I kept thinking "I don’t belong here" But I did I was hurting And I didn’t know what to do with it That doesn’t make me defective It makes me human I just didn’t have the tools I used to think strength meant never getting to that edge Now I think strength might be surviving it and being honest about how close it got There’s something else I don’t say out loud I don’t think the urge to die is selfish Sometimes it’s just the mind trapped in itself Trying to make the noise stop That doesn’t make it right But it makes it understandable What stopped me wasn’t morality It wasn’t philosophy It was proximity A song in the background A friend singing off key Voices through a door That’s what made it harder to leave 𝑆𝑎𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 I didn’t suddenly become strong It took time It still takes time I still feel embarrassed when I replay it Still cringe at how unprepared I was for the world But I don’t speak lightly about harming myself anymore I learned something that night The fact that I couldn’t go through with it didn’t mean my pain wasn’t real It meant some part of me still wanted to live Even if I didn’t know how I’m not fixed I’m not immune I could lose it again Assume I’m fine too soon But I understand myself better now I wasn’t weak. I was overloaded Carrying more than I ever showed it And I survived 𝑆𝑎𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼’𝑚 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑆𝑎𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑆𝑎𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔
