You had finished what you needed I let half a beat go by “That is not what I meant” came first Then “you’re making this too much” Now I hear myself retelling it With a reason after every line Leading with my good intention Like that changes my reply I feel the old correction rising Ready to reduce what you recall I can say what drove me inward I don’t get to make it small I stop before the but I let my reasons end They can tell you where I was They can’t tell you what you felt I won’t ask you to look away I won’t press you for a change I will stay here in your seeing I won’t tell you who you saw Fan hum, phone buzz, scrape of shoes Every sound arrived full force Language narrowed into commands I chose the words that made yours less I wanted all of it to stop So I called your hurt excessive Overloaded was the condition Dismissal was the choice I made I can name the flood of input I can name what I went through That was happening inside me This is how I answered you I stop before the but I let my reasons end They can tell you where I was They can’t tell you what you felt I won’t ask you to look away I won’t press you for a change I will stay here in your seeing I won’t tell you who you saw I kept asking how you saw me Like that answer could set me free Now I hear the second question: Why must you agree with me? I can name what overwhelmed me Then refuse the old command I won’t turn my explanation Into something you must grant I CAN’T TAKE BACK THE WITNESS YOU WERE THERE WHEN I CALLED IT TOO MUCH I WON’T TELL YOU WHAT TO REMEMBER I WON’T MAKE YOUR MEMORY SERVE ME I stop before the but I let my reasons end They can tell you where I was They can’t correct what reached you then I won’t ask you to look away I won’t press you for a change I will stay here in your seeing I won’t make you call me changed You don’t owe me softer wording You don’t owe me a reply When the old defense comes rising I will stop before the but
