[Intro – whispered, then guttural] Crumbs on the floor… Blood on the wall… The cookie jar’s empty— HE’S COMING FOR ALL! [Verse 1] Midnight strikes in a quiet little town, A blue furry nightmare comes stomping around. Eyes rolling wild, teeth grinding like stones, He smells warm blood underneath human bones. He kicks through the bakery, roaring for dough, The baker says, “Sorry—we’re fresh out, bro!” His stomach starts growling, the windows all shake, “ME NEED COOKIE—OR ME EAT YOUR FACE!” [Pre-Chorus] Chocolate chip! Oatmeal! Sugar and spice! Feed him quick or you’ll pay the price! Macaroons! Shortbread! Give him the tray! Keep that flesh-eating hunger away! [Chorus] ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! Feed the beast before his sanity’s gone! ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! No more cookies—then the slaughter is on! [Verse 2] He swallowed the counter, the register too, A mixing bowl, a broom, and the baker’s left shoe. But none of that garbage could satisfy, Now he’s staring at the customers with hunger in his eyes. He grabs one man and sniffs his head, “YOU SMELL LIKE COOKIE—BUT YOU MADE OF FLESH!” The crowd starts screaming, the blue beast drools, Then somebody remembers the emergency rules: [Pre-Chorus] Chocolate chip! Oatmeal! Sugar and spice! Feed him quick or you’ll pay the price! Peanut butter! Raisin! Give him a sack! Once he tastes flesh, there’s no going back! [Chorus] ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! Feed the beast before his sanity’s gone! ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! No more cookies—then the slaughter is on! [Breakdown] NO COOKIE! He chews through the door! NO COOKIE! There’s guts on the floor! NO COOKIE! He’s gnawing a spine! NO COOKIE! “THIS HUMAN TASTE FINE!” Crush! Munch! Rip! Chew! Cookies stop the craving— But the craving broke through! [Verse 3] The National Guard brings a chocolate-chip load, Ten thousand cookies dumped into the road. He dives in headfirst with a deafening roar, Cookie crumbs mixing with the leftover gore. [Final Chorus] ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! Keep them coming till the break of dawn! ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! One empty jar—and your species is gone! ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! Bake them fast! Keep the ovens on! ME WANT COOKIE!! OH, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM! Cookies are the chains that hold the hunger back— BUT THE COOKIE JAR IS EMPTY… [Final guttural scream] AND HUMAN FLESH IS THE MIDNIGHT SNACK! [Outro] Nom… nom… nom… Crack… crunch… chew… Me ate all cookies… NOW ME EAT YOU.
