THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME

THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME Verse 1 I was drivin’ home from work at night — not a single car on the road in sight — just me and a joint and a Riff Raff jam Looked out my window and noticed something I couldn’t stand The moon was staring right at me— I almost swerved into a fucking tree — its eyes were red and bulging open— like it had something it was ready to hash open — I was like “Hey who the fuck you think your staring at!?” Damn moon didn’t say a word just kept staring with a menacing grin and I don’t think it blinked for the last 15 minutes Turned left at Maple, it turned left too Took the back roads just to get a better view Pulled in my driveway, thought I’d finally be free But that big white moon was waitin’ on me Pre-Chorus I ran into my house - shut the blinds and tripped over my corded telephone line — I decided this was the place to be so I went right to sleep Next day my wife said how was your night — I said the moon ain’t feeling super right — I think it followed me home this time for real She said “oh my god Peter we fucking talked about this — the moons not sentient” I said “please listen, I think it has a plan” She said “I ain’t listening to this nonsense again” Chorus The moon is a little bitch It’s the original white supremacist Think it owns the world and we are all just ants — thinks we all need to pay fucking rent The moon is actually a massive cunt I’m not just telling you because I have a grudge It has a plan to kill god himself and live eternally like an elf ⸻ Verse 2 Started seeing it at the grocery store Hoverin’ outside the automatic doors Lookin’ suspicious over aisle three Like it wanted somethin’ from me Tried wearin’ sunglasses after dark Tried hiding underneath a tarp Drove three hours east just to see That giant moon was still tracking me Pre-Chorus I called my buddy Matt Said, “Man, I need advice.” He said, “The moon follows everybody at night.” I said, “Not like this, it has a plan” He said, “I’m not doing this again man” ⸻ Chorus The moon is a little bitch It’s the original white supremacist Think it owns the world and we are all just ants — thinks we all need to pay fucking rent The moon is actually a massive cunt I’m not just telling you because I have a grudge It has a plan to kill god himself and live eternally like an elf ⸻ Bridge Then one night At exactly 2:17 AM My phone buzzed Unknown Number I answered On the other end it was a man “He said I’m the fucking moon— and you better not be fucking rude — your on to me so be afraid — I plan on doing a full air raid and also kill god and take his place” I immediately shit my pants, hung up and got the family out the house — I said we’re gonna find a cave because the moon called — this is grave ⸻ Breakdown Then I decided this isn’t fair — why should we hide in full on fucking terror? Instead I pulled up to the store and bought a bazooka and a gourd I took one shot at the moon and that pussy blew up into tiny pieces of cheese — now it’s cheese that it’s raining - everyone was fucking stoaked — solved world hunger for all the human folk ⸻ Final Chorus The moon is a little bitch It’s the original white supremacist Think it owns the world and we are all just ants — thinks we all need to pay fucking rent The moon is actually a massive cunt I’m not just telling you because I have a grudge It has a plan to kill god himself and live eternally like an elf Verse 4 The moon used to follow me Everywhere I go He should have known — if you mess with Pete you’ll be toast The moon used to follow me And honestly that wasn’t his best beef Now he’s dead — pushing daisies — and the worlds filled with moon cheese — I’m a hero and now I’m stoaked — the moon should have known — I’m not a bear you wanna poke