[Intro] (Sound of static tuning on an old radio, suddenly bursting into a wobbly, slightly detuned piano intro. It sounds like an old saloon.) (A scratchy voice coughs before singing) [Verse 1] Well, I wrestled a Deathclaw just last week And I didn't even scrape my cheek I ate some canned meat that glowed pale green I’m the toughest survivor you’ve ever seen The guy sitting next to me has got three eyes But in this bar, that's no surprise We’re all doing fine, we’re all doing swell Just living our best life here in hell [Chorus] Oh, I can handle the mutants and the acid rain I can handle the fallout and the constant pain I’ll hide in a bunker, I’ll sleep in the mud I ain't afraid of a little blood But Lord have mercy, I tell you here I won’t survive another year... Without a sip of cognac or an ice-cold beer! [Verse 2] My good friend Larry, the Ghoul over there He used to be a banker with a fine head of hair Now his nose is gone, but he still likes to drink Even if the water from the tap is black as ink We raise a glass of this dirty slop Hoping one day the shaking will stop It’s a wonderful life, ain't it grand? The last few folks in the wasteland! [Chorus] Yeah, I can handle the mutants and the acid rain I can handle the fallout and the constant pain I’ll hide in a bunker, I’ll sleep in the mud I ain't afraid of a little blood But Lord have mercy, I tell you here I won’t survive another year... Without a sip of cognac or an ice-cold beer! [Piano Solo] (A slightly sloppy, detuned saloon piano solo. Sounds like the player has had a few too many. The audio should wobble in pitch.) [Bridge] (Music slows down a bit, gets more desperate) I don't ask for much, just a little taste Of something smooth that won't lay me to waste A little amber liquid in a dusty glass To help this final nightmare pass... [Outro] (Returning to the swaying rhythm) Just one cold beer... is that too much to ask? Or a little brandy from a hidden flask... (Voice fades out into coughing) (The radio static returns and cuts the song off)
