[Spoken Verse 1] Do not defecate upon where you consume meals. Do not urinate into the air current. Do not maim the appendage that provisions you. Do not dispatch the goose producing auriferous eggs. [Sung Chorus 1] Don't shit where you eat Don't piss into the wind Don't bite the hand that feeds you Don't kill the golden goose No matter how you say it, 'Been true since the first fool [Spoken Verse 2] Do not combust your bridges. Do not cleave your nose to umbrage your visage. Do not discharge a firearm into your own appendage. Do not propel masonry within a vitreous dwelling. [Sung Chorus 2] Don't burn your bridges Don't cut off your nose to spite your face Don't shoot yourself in the foot Don't throw stones in a glass house Dress it up however you want, The landing's still the same [Spoken Verse 3] One cannot burnish excrement. Don't flagellate a defunct equine. Don't apply a compressive force to cordage. Don't oscillate the scow absent aquatic competence. [Sung Chorus 3] You can't polish a turd Quit beating a dead horse You can't push on a rope Don't rock the boat if you can't swim You'd think it wouldn't need saying Look around — apparently it does [Spoken Verse 4] One cannot affix gelatin to arboreal surfaces. Engage in unstructured fornication and ascertain the outcome. Having prepared your bedding, you must now recline upon it. One harvests that which one has planted. [Sung Chorus 4] You can't nail Jell-O to a tree Fuck around and find out You made your bed, now lie in it You reap what you sow The old learned it hard The young will too [Bridge — Sung] Every one of these was written By somebody who found out Nobody wrote a single one From the safe side of the doubt [Spoken — Outro] Nobody listens the first time. That's what the sayings are for. Ask me how I know.
