We Have This Under Control (Remastered)

[INTRO — female emergency broadcast voice] Attention citizens. This is a completely routine situation. There is absolutely no reason to panic. (reports crashing noises in background) We have this under control. ⸻ [VERSE 1 female vocals] There’s a form on fire and a fax machine screaming Someone hit “reply all” now the whole floor’s leaving Coffee on the keyboard printer jammed again We’ve had six emergency meetings about the state of the pens ⸻ [PRE-CHORUS — tension building] The emails multiply overnight like raccoons inside a shed And every time I clear my inbox eight more rise up from the dead ⸻ [CHORUS — BIG heroic ensemble] WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL Please remain calm and continue your cardio The situation is moderately concerning But not technically classified as a disaster yet 🎺 OOM-pah OOM-pah keep those legs moving Hydration is mandatory for all surviving humans WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL (probably) ⸻ [VERSE 2 — faster female rap section] Per my last email per my last email Per my last email which attached the other email Need approval for approval for the form to get reviewed Then reviewed for proper routing by the Routing Review Group ⸻ [BACKGROUND VOICES] “Can we hop on a quick call?” “Who moved the good scissors?” “Your password expires in thirty seconds.” ⸻ [PRE-CHORUS] Someone scheduled seven meetings to discuss the meeting plan And now the Emailasaurus has escaped containment again ⸻ [CHORUS ] WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL Please continue moving forward If you stop the notifications can smell fear 🎺 OOM-pah OOM-pah maintain formation This concludes the mandatory wellness motivation WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL (why is it getting closer?) ⸻ [BRIDGE ] Listen. You are not failing. You are simply experiencing administrative turbulence. Take a breath. Drink water. Stretch your shoulders. And if necessary— (powerful pause) run. ⸻ [BREAKDOWN ] [Captain Accordion] “DEPLOY THE MOTIVATIONAL BRASS!” “Please hydrate responsibly!” “I told you not to open that seventh email.” ⸻ [FINAL CHORUS — FULL CHAOS] WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL The transmission still is functioning Yes the building is surrounded but morale remains unusually high 🎺 OOM-pah OOM-pah citizens keep trying Even while the Emailasaurus breaches sector five again WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL This is fine This is normal Everything is operational 🚨 PLEASE STAND BY 🚨 Regulation in progress.