Written Prayers — “You Know My Heart”

[Intro — spoken, low and intimate] God... I don't know if I know how to pray anymore. But You know me. So maybe that's enough. [Verse 1] I learned Your name before I learned my own Sat in those pews like they were carved in stone Mama's side said, “This is how you live” Daddy called them Bible thumpers, but I gave everything I had to give I knew the verses I knew the songs I knew exactly where I was supposed to belong But somewhere between the altar and the door I started feeling like I wasn't welcome anymore And I could make some darkness I know what's living underneath I could give the world the worst of me But something keeps pulling me back from the edge of the deep [Pre-Chorus] Maybe that's You Maybe that's grace Maybe You've been standing there Even when I couldn't stand that place [Chorus] You know my heart You know where I've been You know the parts of me I don't let nobody in I walked away from the building But I never walked away from You If I can't say much else tonight I know that part is true You know my heart You know what I meant You know every broken thing And where every piece went I don't need to prove it I don't need to pretend I'll find You when I see You And we'll talk about everything then [Verse 2] Fifteen years is a long time When people think they know your soul Long enough to learn the difference Between belonging and being controlled They judged me They judged what I carried They judged the life I couldn't make look clean And maybe I got sick of being told That leaving them meant leaving You and me But God, You never left You never needed that room Never needed their approval Never needed me to prove You were there in the silence You were there when I broke You were there when I couldn't find The right words to speak And there's still something in me That won't let the darkness win I don't know what to call it But I know where it comes from [Spoken sermon passage] I could make dark music. I could tell you every ugly thing. I could give darkness a microphone and let it tell my story for me. But it doesn't get the final word. Not tonight. Not yet. [Chorus] You know my heart You know where I've been You know the parts of me I don't let nobody in I walked away from the building But I never walked away from You If I can't say much else tonight I know that part is true You know my heart You know what I meant You know every broken thing And where every piece went I don't need to prove it I don't need to pretend I'll find You when I see You And we'll talk about everything then [Bridge — sparse piano and organ] If the church couldn't hold me Hold me Yourself If their judgment still follows me Teach me to leave it on the shelf If I've spent fifteen years thinking I had to come back their way Show me that You were never waiting at their doorway anyway You know me. You always have. [Final Chorus — larger, restrained choir] You know my heart You know where I've been You know the woman underneath the places I've been in I may never walk those halls again And maybe that's okay Because You were never trapped inside them And You never walked away You know my heart You know what I meant You know every wound and every road I went When I finally see You I won't have much to say I'll just sit beside You And we'll talk about everything. [Outro — spoken] Until then... keep the better side of me winning. Amen.