Well, I took my mule behind the jail where the shade was cool and thin I said, “Now listen close, old friend, we got trouble blowing in” He twitched one ear toward Front Street and the other toward the sky then looked at me like mules can look when men start asking why I said, “It’s Matthew and Miss Kitty, and it’s worse than dust and drought he’s got a heart as big as Kansas but he won’t let one word out” The mule just stamped the gravel like a judge with perfect law then gave a little sideways snort that sounded like “haw haw” Oh, mule of wisdom, tell me what you know why do men with shiny badges let the soft words go? Oh, mule of wisdom, don’t you blink that eye you may chew on old fence posts but you understand the why I said, “That Marshal faced a gunman with both barrels open wide but Kitty says, ‘Good evening, Matt’ and he nearly steps aside” The mule went “hee-haw, brother” or at least that’s what I heard which is mighty close to scripture when you study every word I said, “He tips his hat politely like a preacher at a grave but if love required silence, Matthew Dillon would be brave” The mule just shook his harness and the bells began to ring like he knew the whole darn answer but refused to say the thing Oh, mule of wisdom, tell me what you know why do men with shiny badges let the soft words go? Oh, mule of wisdom, don’t you blink that eye you may chew on old fence posts but you understand the why Now Doc came by and muttered, “Festus, who are you talking to?” I said, “The only soul in Dodge City with a reasonable point of view” Doc said, “That is a mule, sir” I said, “And you’re surprised? He’s heard less foolish talk than you and looks more civilized” Then Chester limped around the corner with a coffee in his hand he said, “That mule looks troubled” I said, “That mule understands” For when it comes to courting and the pride inside a man a mule may not be handsome but he knows when not to stand Oh, mule of wisdom, tell me what you know why do men with shiny badges let the soft words go? Oh, mule of wisdom, don’t you blink that eye you may chew on old fence posts but you understand the why I asked, “Should Matt tell Kitty what he keeps behind that star?” The mule looked down at Front Street then looked toward the bar He dragged me past the barber past the bank and general store then stopped outside the Long Branch and would not move no more I said, “Now don’t you push me, this ain’t my romance game” but that mule had moral purpose and an awful lack of shame He brayed so loud the windows shook the piano lost a note and Kitty came out laughing with a shawl around her throat Oh, mule of wisdom, now the town shall know some folks need a thunderclap before their feelings show Oh, mule of wisdom, you old haystack sage you just kicked down romance like a door upon a stage Matt stepped out behind her with his hat brim mighty low he said, “Festus, move that animal” but his ears began to glow The mule looked right at Matthew with the patience of the plains as if to say, “You stubborn man, I’ve carried better brains” Miss Kitty smiled at both of them and said, “Well, what’s all this?” I said, “A consultation, ma’am, on pride and foolishness” Matt said, “Festus, keep quiet” and I said, “I wish I could” then the mule gave one more answer that was clearer than it should Oh, mule of wisdom, tell me what you know why do men with shiny badges let the soft words go? Oh, mule of wisdom, don’t you blink that eye you may chew on old fence posts but you understand the why Now every evening after that when Matt came walking slow the mule would stand by Long Branch with his ears turned to the show And if the Marshal froze again or hid behind his frown that mule would clear his dusty throat and shake the whole blame town So laugh at me if you must, say old Festus talks too much but love can need a mule sometimes to give a little nudge For a heart may wear a badge, friends, and a mule may wear a fly but one of them will speak the truth while the other wonders why Oh, mule of wisdom, tell me what you know why do men with shiny badges let the soft words go? Oh, mule of wisdom, you old long-eared saint
