Gerrymandered Gridiron

[Verse 1]
Tuesday night in December, the suits redraw the map with a wink,
Two-loss Alabama vaults clean over Notre Dame—faster than you can blink.
They call it “projecting the SEC champ loss,” but we all smell the fix,
Plantin’ that Crimson parachute so ’Bama still gets their playoff kicks.
Notre Dame’s schedule’s pillow-soft, yet they’re still treated like royalty,
While the committee whispers, “Keep the brands alive—that’s the loyalty.”

[Chorus]
Gerrymandered gridiron—lines drawn in the dark!
’Bama leaps the Irish, safety net with a Crimson spark.
BYU’s the buffer, stuck at eleven, what a cruel little joke,
Wedged between Notre Dame and Miami so head-to-head don’t poke.
Comical and criminal, ballot stuffed in shoulder pads,
They carved the map with SEC ink and called it “just a tad.”
Hey! Hey! Redraw the map!
Alabama safe district, BYU buffer trap—imagine that!

[Verse 2]
Miami’s sittin’ twelve—they beat Notre Dame on their own damn field,
Head-to-head proof in 4K, but the committee won’t yield.
“Can’t rank the Canes over the Dome,” they mutter, “that would start a fight,”
So they slide one loss BYU right in the middle to kill the spotlight.
Eleven-and-one gets you a seat at the kids’ table, Provo fans lose their minds,
While two-loss royalty and a soft-schedule Irish get the velvet lines.
It’s a buffer-zone masterpiece—screw the record, save the brand,
BYU and Miami take the fall so the big boys keep their land.

[Chorus]
Gerrymandered grid-iron—lines drawn in the dark!
’Bama leaps the Irish, safety net with a Crimson spark.
BYU’s the buffer, stuck at eleven, what a cruel little joke,
Wedged between Notre Dame and Miami so head-to-head don’t poke.
Comical and criminal, ballot stuffed in shoulder pads,
They carved the map with SEC ink and called it “just a tad.”
Hey! Hey! Redraw the map!
Alabama safe district, BYU buffer trap—imagine that!

[Bridge]
If Georgia smokes ’Bama Saturday, watch the rankings barely budge,
Dame stays top-ten, BYU still eleventh—committee doesn’t grudge.
They’ve already drawn the districts; the fix is in, the map is set,
Two brands protected, two teams disrespected—no regrets.

[Final Chorus]
Gerrymandered grid-iron! (Hey!) Lines drawn in the dark! (Hey!)
’Bama and Notre Dame saved—BYU and the Canes left to bark!
Provo’s the buffer wall, wedged in tight so the head-to-head don’t sting,
Two brands get the golden call while the real champs don’t mean a thing!
Comical! Criminal! A rigged-up referee charade!
They stuffed the ballot, drew the districts, kept the big boys in the shade!
Hey! Hey! Burn the map! (Burn it down!)
Alabama, Notre Dame crowned—BYU and Miami drowned!

[Outro]
That’s the show, folks—gerrymandered glory!
Same scam next Sunday… or sooner.
Roll Tide… Touchdown Jesus… sorry Cougars… sorry Canes.
(Rigged...Rigged...Rigged)

3102/7500

[Intro] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the smoke-filled backroom… The CFP Committee’s got the red pens out again. Alabama jumps the Irish for a soft landing spot, And BYU gets jammed between Dame and Miami like a speed bump. This ain’t football, folks… this is gerrymandered gridiron! [Verse 1] Tuesday night in December, the suits redraw the map with a wink, Two-loss Alabama vaults clean over Notre Dame—faster than you can blink. They call it “projecting the SEC champ loss,” but we all smell the fix, Plantin’ that Crimson parachute so ’Bama still gets their playoff kicks. Notre Dame’s schedule’s pillow-soft, yet they’re still treated like royalty, While the committee whispers, “Keep the brands alive—that’s the loyalty.” [Chorus] Gerrymandered gridiron—lines drawn in the dark! ’Bama leaps the Irish, safety net with a Crimson spark. BYU’s the buffer, stuck at eleven, what a cruel little joke, Wedged between Notre Dame and Miami so head-to-head don’t poke. Comical and criminal, ballot stuffed in shoulder pads, They carved the map with SEC ink and called it “just a tad.” Hey! Hey! Redraw the map! Alabama safe district, BYU buffer trap—imagine that! [Verse 2] Miami’s sittin’ twelve—they beat Notre Dame on their own damn field, Head-to-head proof in 4K, but the committee won’t yield. “Can’t rank the Canes over the Dome,” they mutter, “that would start a fight,” So they slide one loss BYU right in the middle to kill the spotlight. Eleven-and-one gets you a seat at the kids’ table, Provo fans lose their minds, While two-loss royalty and a soft-schedule Irish get the velvet lines. It’s a buffer-zone masterpiece—screw the record, save the brand, BYU and Miami take the fall so the big boys keep their land. [Chorus] Gerrymandered grid-iron—lines drawn in the dark! ’Bama leaps the Irish, safety net with a Crimson spark. BYU’s the buffer, stuck at eleven, what a cruel little joke, Wedged between Notre Dame and Miami so head-to-head don’t poke. Comical and criminal, ballot stuffed in shoulder pads, They carved the map with SEC ink and called it “just a tad.” Hey! Hey! Redraw the map! Alabama safe district, BYU buffer trap—imagine that! [Bridge] If Georgia smokes ’Bama Saturday, watch the rankings barely budge, Dame stays top-ten, BYU still eleventh—committee doesn’t grudge. They’ve already drawn the districts; the fix is in, the map is set, Two brands protected, two teams disrespected—no regrets. [Final Chorus] Gerrymandered grid-iron! (Hey!) Lines drawn in the dark! (Hey!) ’Bama and Notre Dame saved—BYU and the Canes left to bark! Provo’s the buffer wall, wedged in tight so the head-to-head don’t sting, Two brands get the golden call while the real champs don’t mean a thing! Comical! Criminal! A rigged-up referee charade! They stuffed the ballot, drew the districts, kept the big boys in the shade! Hey! Hey! Burn the map! (Burn it down!) Alabama, Notre Dame crowned—BYU and Miami drowned! [Outro] That’s the show, folks—gerrymandered glory! Same scam next Sunday… or sooner. Roll Tide… Touchdown Jesus… sorry Cougars… sorry Canes. (Rigged...Rigged...Rigged)

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