📻 Good evening, all you “RANT” fans out there. This is DJ JJ, and I’m here to bring you… the news. [CHAINSaw revs briefly, then settles] — CLEARING THROAT — Shotgun season has officially drawn to a close. So all you deer out there… take a breath— [BEAT] —then keep running, because black powder season is now underway. Happy hunting. [SHORT PAUSE — PAPER RUSTLING] In other local news, neighbors reported another bear sighting over the weekend. Jeez… put some clothes on, folks. It’s cold out there— and we really don’t want to see it anyway. [CHAINSaw rev + BEER CAN OPENING] And for our final item tonight— The next town over has approved their new school. Yay. But good news for us— we are not in their regional union of schools, which means no massive property tax increase heading our way. [PARTY HORN] It seems the school planning board actually agreed with the selectmen on this one. [BEAT] Guess miracles do still happen. [APPLAUSE — CHAINSaw rev fades slightly] So I guess that’s it for tonight. But remember— [LOWER VOICE] Keep complaining. This is 103.7… W… R… A… N… T. [CHAINSaw revs one last time, then CUT] Over and out.
