[Verse 1] Woke up feelin’ alright, boots laced tight Headed into town for a coffee and a bite But soon as I hit that ol’ Main Street bend I saw *him* again… Lord, not this friend He's got a squirrel on his shoulder wearin’ cowboy chaps Singin’ to a mailbox like it’s wearin’ slacks I said, “Nope,” did a U-turn, quick as a flash Ain’t gettin’ dragged into that backwoods clash **\[Chorus]** 🎶 Not today, I’m not dealin’ with that Not watchin’ him argue with a possum in a hat Damn it, this shhh again, same ol’ rodeo Every time I leave the house, it’s a freak show So I spun my boots, didn’t make a sound Not today, y’all — I’m turnin’ back around 🎶 **\[Verse 2]** Last week it was Janie with her lizard parade And Bob with his ferret in a fake grenade I’m all for free spirits and a wild old tale But this town's one raccoon short of a cautionary tale There was a goat on a skateboard, preachin’ the news And a preacher in flip-flops handin’ out tattoos I love my hometown, but I gotta be frank Today I ain’t got the patience or gas in the tank **\[Chorus]** 🎶 Not today, I’m not fixin’ to deal With a dude sellin’ moonshine lemonade eels Damn it, this shhh again, I just came for pie But I guess I’ll settle for my couch and Wi-Fi So I tipped my hat, didn’t stick around Not today, nope — I’m turnin’ back around 🎶 **\[Bridge – Spoken, with steel guitar behind]** I swear, one day I’m gonna get that coffee… Just not when Dale’s out there wearin’ a wedding dress Racin’ a lawnmower against a goose A *very angry* goose… **\[Final Chorus]** 🎶 Not today, not walkin' that path Not gettin’ roped into whatever weird math They’re cookin’ up on the sidewalk again I’ll stay home with my dog and pretend That Main Street’s normal and calm and sound Not today — y’all, I’m turnin’ back around 🎶
