How long, O Lord?

How long, O Lord? How long, Till I sing the songs for real? How long, O Lord? How long, Till the words match how I feel? How long until I feel my smile emerging from within, or until it’s safe to declare my faith without this stupid grin. For I do believe that I love you and I know that you love me but I’m tired and hurt and these happy songs feel like hypocrisy. I know, I trust, you’ll rescue me, though I don’t know when or how, and knowing that I know that you know how I’m feeling now.