I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed I don't wake up shaking I wake up late, same clothes on the floor Mind still half awake Phone on the table, face down quiet I tell myself I'm fine I tell myself not yet I don't call it wanting I don't call it pain I call it getting through the day Without going insane I've quit a thousand times I'm good at that part It's the space between the hours that really gets hard I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed so it stays calm I don't need him I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed so it stays calm It's not about getting high It's about getting level It's about slowing the room It's about settling the metal Some nights I don't touch it Some nights I do Depends how loud it gets Depends what I'm trying not to lose I don't call it slipping I don't call it a fall I don't call it anything It's just a number I call People say they worry I say I know They don't hear what happens But now I say no I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed so it stays calm I don't need him I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed so it stays calm I've been clean long enough To remember the noise I've been close enough To remember the choice If I start it up It comes back mean If I feed it just enough It leaves me be That's not proud That's not brave That's just how I make it through another day I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed, keep it calm I wondered what happens if I don't What happens if I don't I don't need him I don't need him I just like to know he's there Like the monster under my bed I keep it fed so it stays calm
