The Genealogy Blues (Verse 1) Started with a simple question 'bout my family name Just wanted to know great-grandma, thought it was a simple game Now I'm up at three AM with seventeen tabs open wide Ancestry and FamilySearch are fighting side by side My eyes are getting bloodshot from these records I can't read German Gothic handwriting is all I'll ever need (NOT!) (Verse 2) Find A Grave's got headstones but the photos are too dark MyHeritage keeps sending me cousins from Iowa Probate records written in some ancient legal code "Whereas" and "heretofore" make my poor brain explode Wilhelm Koch became Bill Cook somewhere along the way Same man, different spelling, drives me nuts all day (Chorus) I got the genealogy blues, the family tree disease Every hint's a dead end and it brings me to my knees Census records lying, birth dates don't align DNA matches messaging me all the time I got the genealogy blues, and they're driving me insane One more "possibly maybe" and I'll go completely plain (Verse 3) City directories got every John Smith in the land Military records contradict what's written by hand Immigration papers stamped with dates that can't be right Church records burned in fires back in 1889's night Land deeds speak of metes and bounds, of rods and chains galore While I just want to know if grandpa owned the corner store ( Chorus) I got the genealogy blues, the family tree disease Every hint's a dead end and it brings me to my knees Census records lying, birth dates don't align DNA matches messaging me all the time I got the genealogy blues, and they're driving me insane One more "possibly maybe" and I'll go completely plain (Bridge) Every database different, every source tells different lies Born in three different states with three different alibis She died at twelve and eighty-three, gave birth in between Strangest family history that you've ever seen Mormon pioneers indexed everything they could find But left us poor researchers pulling out our hair and mind (Verse 4) Family photos stare at me with faces I don't know Yellow papers in a box from a century ago Stories passed down through the years are wonderful but wrong That Cherokee princess tale has lasted way too long My friends all run away when I start to share my finds "Did you know in 1847..." and they lose their minds (Chorus) I got the genealogy blues, the family tree disease Every hint's a dead end and it brings me to my knees Census records lying, birth dates don't align DNA matches messaging me all the time I got the genealogy blues, and they're driving me insane One more "possibly maybe" and I'll go completely plain (Outro) So here's to all you researchers who've fallen down the hole Chasing dead relations has consumed your very soul We'll search through every record that was ever made by man To prove great-great-grandpa came from Afghanistan Now if you'll excuse me, got another hint to check Might be the breakthrough or just another wreck (Genealogy blues... they got me good...) (Genealogy blues... in my neighborhood...) (Genealogy blues... they never end...) (Just one more record... around the bend...)
