[cowbell click, slap bass riff] [spoken, deadpan] Series B deck says "tireless workforce." Deck don't mention naptime. [Verse 1] Shipped in a crate marked "G1, handle with care" Backflip in the parking lot, everybody stares! Data center needs a hand on the night shift crew I can do kung fu, boys, how hard could it do? [Chorus] Five minutes on, thirty minutes off (already?) Five minutes on, thirty minutes off (don't laugh) Overheat light's blinking, I go rest in the corner Boss just sighs, says "should've read the warning" [Verse 2] No hands, just a gripper and a whole lot of ambition 3D-printed claw, they called it innovation Reached to run the cabling, couldn't hold the wire Yanked the wrong one loose and now a rack is on fire Teleop guy panicking, signal cutting out Servers going dark, and everybody's starting to shout [Chorus] Oh wow, this is a disaster (call the fire crew) Oh wow, this is a disaster (what did we just do?) Sparks are flying, foreman's crying, sprinklers coming on First day on the job and the whole data center's gone [Bridge] [half-spoken, bass drops out] Boss surveys the wreckage, ankle-deep in foam Should've hired a union man, should've left me home But he pulls up the spreadsheet, and he sighs Thirty grand and eighty percent, boys, oh we'll keep going alright [building back, funkier] A human costs a fortune, and I work for almost nil Burn one data center down, I'm still cheaper on the bill So he tapes a sign up, "trainee, please stand clear" Hands me back my gripper, says "you're somehow still hired here" [Final Chorus] [horns bigger, tempo pushes] Five minutes on, thirty minutes off (rehired!) Burned the whole thing down but I'm cheaper than the guy I retired I'm the future, baby, standing in the ash Do the math on the damage, I'm still cheaper by the batch Five minutes on... give me one more shot Version two won't torch the whole server lot I'm the future, baby, learning as I fry Five minutes on... give it time, give it time [Outro] Quarterly earnings call still says "successful pilot deployment"
