[Intro - Bright, cheerful pharmaceutical-commercial jingle] Ask your doctor about Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! For when you’re doing fine… but fine feels wrong! [Verse 1 - Cheerful, absurdly sincere] Do Tuesdays feel a little too Tuesday? Is your favorite mug just kinda okay? Did somebody text you just “K” And now it’s slightly ruined your day? You may have Mild Situational Whatever, a condition we invented together! [Chorus - Huge catchy commercial hook] Ask your doctor about Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! For minor little problems that weren’t problems all along! One pill daily may help you care less about lukewarm fries and mild social stress! [Spoken - Music stays ridiculously upbeat] Side effects may include: dry mouth, wet elbows, aggressive blinking, temporary fear of ceiling fans, calling your mother by her first name, forgetting what horses are, and death. [Beat stops] Wait - death? [Music instantly resumes, extra cheerful] [Verse 2] You might finally enjoy folding laundry! You might tolerate your neighbor, Gary! You might look at an email marked “urgent” and think, “Eh… probably not that scary.” [Spoken - Faster disclaimer voice] Do not take Meh-Be-Gone if you are allergic to Meh-Be-Gone, have ever seen a doctor, plan to see a doctor, own a pancreas, or are currently facing north. [Chorus - Bigger, happier] Ask your doctor about Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Your mild inconvenience could be medically wrong! Why feel slightly annoyed at all when you could lose sensation in your left eyeball? [Spoken - Rapid-fire legal disclaimer] Serious side effects may include: backwards sneezing, unlicensed confidence, knees that predict weather, sudden interest in municipal zoning, hearing colors, tasting Wi-Fi, one extremely judgmental toe, and spontaneous accordion ownership. Rare but serious side effects include your skeleton becoming “too ambitious.” [Concerned voice] What does that mean? [Announcer] We don’t know! [Bridge - Inspirational pharmaceutical-commercial emotion] So ride that bike! Pet that dog! Walk in slow motion through a farmer’s market! Laugh with friends in a suspiciously large kitchen! [Spoken - Very fast] Meh-Be-Gone has not been evaluated for people who actually have problems. [Final Chorus - Maximum commercial joy] Ask your doctor about Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! The cure might be much worse - but the commercial has a song! [Outro - Designed to loop directly into intro] If life’s completely normal but you think something’s wrong… Ask your doctor about Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone! Meh-Be-Gone!
